Leading By Example and Some Mistaken Beliefs

Someone once said, “A good example has twice the value of good advice.”  With that in mind, I offer you a refreshed version of a post I wrote in 2009 in the hope its value to you also merits a repeat performance. 

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Many people have written about the importance of leading by example. Yet in spite of its apparent simplicity, there are still many times when we manage to muck it up.  Perhaps it is so simple that we take it for granted.  Or, perhaps it is that some of us have mistaken beliefs about what leading by example is really about.

Here are a few possibilities that come to mind for me:

· Mistaken Belief #1 – Leading by Example is a 9-5 pursuit

I suspect that some leaders make leading by example a project rather than a way of being. In other words, they appreciate that in order to engage people at the office they have to serve as a role model and so they create a model of personal behaviour that may have little or no bearing on who they really are. In effect, they put on their office persona in the morning along with their business clothes and take it off again when they get home and change into something more comfortable. This practice is not sustainable over time and I can only imagine how exhausting it must be.

The bottom line: If you don’t represent yourself honestly where ever you are, the example you set will not ring true for those you want to influence the most.

· Mistaken Belief #2 – You can get people to do as you say, and not as you do, as long as you don’t get caught

In our condominium complex, there was a man on the board who is President of his own company. He served on our Strata as Chair of the Building Committee, a pretty important role.  Some time ago, he sent out a communication to all owners to advise us that putting weather stripping across our front doors is strongly discouraged because doing so interferes with the flow of air to the suites.  He advised those among us who had installed weather stripping to remove it immediately.

Days later, after receiving this rather forceful message, my husband had cause to place a note concerning condo board business under this man’s door.  He was unsuccessful in doing so because apparently, the Building Chair has installed weather stripping.

The Bottom Line:If you have ever had the idea that you can say one thing and do another and not be found out, think again.   Believe me, you will be busted. And, when you are, the trust and respect that others have for you will be compromised.

· Mistaken Belief #3 – People will only pick up and emulate the behaviours you want them to adopt

No matter who we are, as long as we are alive, someone is looking to us for an example of how to behave. Even if we have never been placed in a formal leadership position, we influence those around us simply by being there. And, being human, we are not always going to act in exemplary fashion. We can only hope to align our behaviour in accordance with what we value most and accept that sometimes others will pick up something from us that we would rather they hadn’t.  It happens.

For example, a long time ago, I was invited to attend a lunch in the Head office executive dining room.  I was very surprised to receive the invitation because as a fairly junior personnel assistant, it was a bit of a lofty thing to happen for me.

The purpose of the lunch was to entertain a party of Chinese students. On meeting them I began to realize why I might have been chosen to participate.  They were all rather small and I, also being rather small, seemed to be the only bank representative who could look them straight in the eye without having to sit down.

The table was beautifully set. However, the challenge for me and my lunch companions was that it was rather high, and the dining chairs, in contrast, rather low.

In spite of this, the lunch unfolded quite well…until the waiters delivered dessert, strawberries served in a tall stemmed glass, rimmed with sugar. It didn’t take long for me to discover that if I actually wanted to eat these delicious strawberries, I would have to stand up.  The other diminutives around the table seemed to be in the same predicament.  I noticed them looking at each other but none was so brave as to take a chance and grab a strawberry quickly while no one was looking.  And so, at what I considered to be a strategic moment, I took up my spoon, stood up very quickly, popped a strawberry into my mouth and sat down, just as quickly, to chew it.  My new, and equally undersized companions followed my lead until soon, we were all popping up and down until we bore a striking resemblance to an um-pa-pa band.  Needless to say, I was never invited back to the executive dining room.

Bottom line: It is a mistake to expect that people will not, at times, follow an unintended lead. It happens.  Forgive yourself and move on.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Leadership and the Importance of Observation

In Western Society, we’re big on jumping into action. Sometimes it leads to big things too.  At other times though, chaos is our only reward for leaping into busy work before spending any time at all finding out what’s actually going on.

Here’s an example:

Many moons ago I was part of a team-building course in Toronto.  At one point, we were divided into groups and marched outside to tackle a project that involved climbing poles and traversing from one pole to the other with only the aid of ropes and some safety tackle.  Our goal was to successfully overcome the obstacles put in our way and complete the course in the best possible time.

We failed miserably. Not only did we not complete the course, we failed to overcome most of the obstacles as well.

With booby prize shamefully in hand, we reviewed what we might have done differently. And, in thinking about it now, apart from doing just about everything wrong, we simply didn’t spend enough time in “O”.

“O” stands for observation.  It is part of a mental process thatEdgar Schein refers to as O.R.J.I. in his book Process Consultation- Lessons for Managers and Consultants.

Here’s how it works.

Typically, when faced with a predicament, the human psyche follows a pattern.

We Observe and get a picture of what is going on.

We React emotionally to our understanding of what’s happening.

We Judge, and draw conclusions based on our understanding and how it makes us feel and then:

We Intervene, making decisions and taking action based on what we see, feel and conclude.

In the case of my deplorable “team” experience, we spent perhaps a nano second really looking at the challenge before us or trying to understand it.  We asked no questions of either the coordinators or each other.  We did not inspect the obstacle course or make any kind of effort to evaluate the resources available to us, human or otherwise. The loudest voice took the lead.  The action oriented ones chomped at the bit to get out in the field and DO something. And, the reflectors, being completely overwhelmed by the noise and confusion registered what can only be described as insipid protests about making a plan first, an offering that, not surprisingly, fell on completely deaf ears

So, instead of looking like this: “ORJI” our process looked more like this: “oRJI”

Not surprisingly though, staying in Observation is hard. When problems are pressing, emotions can work in opposition to rational thought, often wanting to take over at the most inadvisable and inconvenient times.

So, here are a few thoughts about how to delay a move to action long enough to establish that the information you are working from is accurate.

Gather facts about the nature and scope of the problem

This means suspending, at least initially, feelings about what’s going on long enough to get some solid data.

Take time to determine the resources and skills available to you

In the case of our team exercise, we spent no time at all determining who knew what or who could do what.  As a result, a number of individual egos launched themselves into the project without knowing anything about the skills they had at their disposal or how they could best be used.

Determine what you might be assuming about the situation and the people involved in it.

Giving some time to validating assumptions is never a waste.  Assumptions almost always hinder the process of getting at the true nature of a problem.

Make room for many questions and a variety of voices.

This is simply about listening to every voice, be it soft or loud. And, sometimes it is the dissenting voice that holds the clue to a solution.

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The bottom line here is, great teamwork relies on  giving time to observation and critical thinking.  Launching into action without thought might look good initially but will most certainly require more backtracking and remedial work than you likely have time for.  And sometimes, it makes the difference between success and failure.

That’s what I think anyway?  What do you think?

Leadership and Courage

Courage has many faces.  It doesn’t always show up complete with epaulets and a shiny sword yelling “Charge!!”  In fact, I would suggest it more often demands a much subtler approach.  Either way, courage is not something we can buy or fake.  It lives in the heart of our character.  And, it is something we hope to have enough of when we need it most.

Brave leaders go first and inspire others to find their own courage. They defy convention. They admit their mistakes, apologize and make amends when they are wrong.  Brave leaders explore unknown territory in service of something greater than themselves.  They deliver bad news with clarity, determination and compassion. And, they stay the course when the going gets tough

Brave leaders, too, frequently look in their personal, and organizational mirrors to find something in themselves or in the systems they create that works against their potential for achieving their goals. This calls for a special kind of courage, one that can feel less noble than the others.  But workplaces have little hope of thriving long if this work goes unattended or is swept under the rug in hopes that no one will notice.

Here’s a case in point. A few weeks ago, I met with a friend, a niche specialist in communication.   She shared this story with me.

On being invited to meet with the CEO of a company to discuss business opportunities, she entered the premises and almost immediately detected a certain tension in the air.  And, while people were impeccably polite to her, she noticed that throughout the office, no one was smiling.

The CEO, a clever and efficient woman, appeared to have all the hallmarks of a successful business leader.  At some point in the conversation, she asked my friend if she did other communications work because she had noticed that the e-mails being passed among her staff and out to customers had a tone that seemed terse and unwelcoming.  The CEO asked my friend if she could possibly fix that with some communications training.

Of course, my friend, a smart and intuitive woman herself, knew all too well where this conversation was headed.  Could she ‘fix’ the tone of the emails being sent from this office?  Yes, she could do that.   The bigger question…why people were writing snarky emails went unanswered.  It could be that this CEO had no idea why but, when pressed, she also was not willing to ‘go there’

This is not an unfamiliar story.  In fact, I would hazard to say that more companies than we’d like to think spend inordinate amounts of time and money addressing unpleasant symptoms if only to be able to say they are doing something to improve their employee, and by association, customer experience.

We know of course that underneath it all lurk many cans of worms and a few Pandora’s Boxes that need opening before anything can be truly resolved.  This is where that special kind of courage comes in.  It is the kind that asks us to face our imperfect selves; to find our humility and to lay ourselves open to closer examination.

When I think about courage in leadership, this quote comes to mind,

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ” ~ Ambrose Redmoon

Good leadership is about focusing on what’s really important among other things.  Sometimes that means having the courage to relentlessly pursue truth, even at the cost of personal pride, in service of building something everyone can be proud of.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?

Collaboration and the Value of the Dissenting Voice

Although the word collaboration can conjure up images of people working happily together, I rather think we would get closer to reality if we included a few arguments, some eye-rolling and some exasperated over-emoted sighs to round out the picture. Mostly this kind of friction happens because, as individuals, we differ from each other in culture, experience and skill.  The perspectives we hold come from those things.  And, as human beings, we can cling to them stubbornly, shutting out the possibility that there may be another way.

But, if we want to truly extract the best ideas and create the best outcomes, we must be prepared to include the likelihood that our view is not always going to be the best.  That means making room for the friction and the dissenting voices of those who look at things through a different lens and have the courage to share what they see.

Here’s a quick and entertaining example from the great comedy team of Abbott and Costello:

I don’t know about you, but at times, I have discounted the opinions of others because their logic sounded wrong or what they were saying had, in my view, no bearing on the matter at hand.  In those situations, I wonder what might have happened had I spent just a few more minutes listening and trying to understand.  Of course, there was always the possibility that what was being said was complete drivel.  But, it was equally possible there was something there of great value that was lost because I failed to take the time to really listen.

In a World where time is at a premium, I don’t suppose the behaviour I describe is unique.  So many of us spend our days striving to get to the end, or accomplish a goal and yet sacrifice the quality of what we produce by ignoring the voices that don’t seem to have a place on our personal radar screens.

I think there are lessons here regardless of whether we need to make room for the dissenting voice or we are the dissenting voice.

For instance, to make room for the dissenting voice I think it helps to:

Develop a discipline of drawing out those who may be reluctant to speak

Some people can feel overpowered by the common opinion.  In fact, they may believe their own view to be less important because it is different.  And so they stay quiet so as not to rock the boat.   Drawing them into the conversation can make it more real and provide the opportunity for a wider variety of ideas to be shared.

Provide enough time for reflection, curiosity and discussion

Of course if you make room for the dissenting voice, you also must make time for people to ask questions, explore, challenge and think about what is being said.  It may take longer but the conversation will be enriched because of it.

Give the ‘Dissenting Voice’ a place at the table

That means, when you come together to discuss some aspect of your work together, assign a virtual place for the ‘Dissenting Voice’.  Over the course of your discussion, stop from time to time, and invite people to place themselves in a perspective, they may not currently hold.  Sometimes this will give rise to a new idea that may not have otherwise surfaced.  And, It will encourage those who really do think differently to become part of the conversation.

Conversely, if you differ in experience, perspective or opinion from the rest, I think it helps to:

Find the courage to stand up and speak

While it can be nerve-wracking to stand up and share an opposing view, it can also be very liberating.  Little is accomplished by waiting until a meeting is over to voice an adverse opinion, to no one in particular.  If you want to be counted in, stand up and be counted.  It matters.

Ask questions that provoke thought

Sometimes a well-placed question can slow the momentum of a meeting long enough to allow thoughts to take a much needed detour.  Questions that begin with “what would happen if….?” Or “How might ‘X’ apply to this situation?” can spark ideas not yet explored.

Explain the relevance of your view to the subject at hand

If your view represents a big departure from the prevailing thinking, you stand a better chance of having it heard if you explain how it connects with the subject under discussion and the value it brings to realizing a successful outcome.

Abraham Lincoln has been quoted as saying, “ It is the man who does not want to express an opinion whose opinion I want”

From that I surmise that Mr. Lincoln was keen to be informed on many levels, to solve the right problems and to make good decisions more often than bad ones.

When it comes to working collaboratively, I expect that’s what we all want.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Change and the Credibility Factor

This is a refreshed version of a post I wrote just over three years ago.  I’m giving it another airing because, at its core, leadership is about change and exploring new territory.  No leader can do that successfully without having earned the confidence of those s/he leads.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

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I’ve been thinking about what it is that separates a person who seems to be able to influence change in a positive direction, from a person who might have the authority and the technical skill to do the work, but seems unable to pull it off.

The word credibility comes to mind.  The Thesaurus suggests that credibility is synonymous with trustworthiness, integrity and sincerity. I think that if these basic values are present, the chances of arousing the interest and respect of other people are pretty good. And, I believe too, that change agents come in many forms, manifest themselves in a variety of ways and at a variety of levels.

Thinking about that reinforces for me, the notion that it is credibility not title, position, role or authority that makes the difference between an effective leader and an ineffective one.

So, if you are with me so far, the big question seems to be ” How do I prove my credibility to others?”

Here’s what I think it takes to earn credibility:

I do what I say I’m going to do… and I do it, when I say I’m going to do it.

Reliability is an important ingredient in establishing credibility.

There’s nothing more infuriating or counter-productive, than when someone makes a commitment to do something and then fails to follow through.

I represent myself honestly and do my best to be candid and open with my colleagues and bosses.

I think that to gain credibility with others we must simply find the courage and confidence to be ourselves and make our contributions without pretense or bravado.

I show that I’m open to learning and trying new things

Nothing puts holes in our credibility as a leader more than conveying the impression that we have all the answers. And, it is arrogant to think that we can influence change in others without feeling the need to change something ourselves.

Change is a learning experience in itself. If we believe that it is for everyone but us, we are likely not asking the right questions, enough questions, or paying attention to what is going on around us.

I demonstrate respect for the experiences and knowledge of others.

One of the best ways to build credibility is to observe those who have gone before us and learn from their experiences.  If we want to be heard we must first listen.

When I challenge the status quo, I offer feasible and thoughtful alternatives.

To me, presenting a problem without considering a solution is not supporting change.  It is simply complaining.  This doesn’t mean that we have to have a solution for every problem.  But if we want to earn credibility, we have to consider not only the problem, but also the possibilities and questions that will stimulate further exploration.

I own up to being human and making mistakes. And, when I make mistakes, I apologize and then do my best to make amends.

Making excuses for the mistakes we make is simply unproductive and, well, not very attractive either. In general, we do not adversely affect our credibility when we make mistakes. We adversely affect our credibility when we try to cover them up, rationalize them away, or otherwise pretend they didn’t happen.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?

Four Reasons For Insisting on Civility at Work

A story in The National Post recently caught my eye, about Karen Klein, a woman in Greece New York who, while doing her job as a school bus monitor, was cruelly bullied by a group of seventh grade boys.  To me, this story highlighted, once again, the destructive nature of incivility.

So, what does this story have to do with leadership?  Well, for one thing, if children are not taught the importance of kindness, good manners and respect for others, they grow up and then rudely impose themselves on unsuspecting and undeserving co-workers.  The problem of incivility and bullying simply transfers from the school bus to the workplace. So it could be said that leadership begins at home.

While we all seem to decry bullying, some may believe that civility is a minor consideration at work, especially now when we are pressured by time, having to do more with less and plagued by looming deadlines and demands.   Who has time to be polite?  Who has time to say please and thank you? And, who has time to think about how our behaviour is affecting those around us as long as we’re getting the job done?

Well, I think we have to make time.  In fact, to me, good manners and consideration for others should be embedded in the culture of every organization. Here are at least four reasons why:

Successful collaboration is not possible without it.

Collaboration is a key word in today’s workplace.  When we work together to achieve a common, mutually beneficial goal, it is often the case that impatience will raise its’ ugly head and start goading us into saying things we might not otherwise entertain.  It is at these times when a good dose of civility is required.  Rude and self-indulgent remarks simply get in the way of achieving a satisfactory outcome.  In this context, I like what Wikipedia has to say about civility.  “Civility gives us the means to disagree without being disagreeable” That kind of says it all doesn’t it?

How people treat each other inside the organization will reflect, for good or ill, outside the organization

This just makes good sense.  Those who work in an atmosphere where good manners are the norm will, for the most part respond to their customers and others, in kind.  There’s nothing complicated about that.  And, for some reason it is my guess that customers are more willing to part with their money if they feel they are being treated with respect.

People make their best effort when they feel acknowledged and important

I started my work life in the mailroom of a bank.  My job was to open mail and deliver it to its intended recipients in a department of approximately three hundred people. Many department managers either completely ignored me or made me the unfortunate recipient of rude, bad tempered remarks.   A few however, received their mail with good grace, responding with a well-placed thank you and a smile.  When this happened, I actually felt I was doing something of value.   It was a small gesture but always with a big result and a willingness on my part to do more for those managers who had taken the time to acknowledge my existence, despite my lowly placement on the hierarchical ladder.

Civility is key to building relationships and reputations through Social Media

Today, workplaces extend beyond our walls and borders through technology.  Every day, we send e-mails, text messages and tweets to people, some of whom we have never met face-to-face.  To me, civility is an important part of communicating through this media.   After all, when we say something on e-mail, Facebook or Twitter it is captured forever.  We can’t take it back.  And, it shapes the image we create of ourselves which can either reflect who we really are or cast a shadow over us that is difficult to overcome

Some people might pride themselves in their ability to rattle others with rude behaviour.  They say things like, “This is who I am.  Get used to it”.

But civility is not about who we are.  It is about what we choose to do. And, embedding good manners into an organization’s modus operandi simply makes sense.  It matters.  I think Karen Klein would agree.

What do you think?

The Value of ‘Shooting the Breeze’ at Work

Relationship building is a key ingredient in the creation of successful workplaces. It is important… but we don’t always have to make a huge project out of it.  Sometimes, we simply have to talk to each other. What a concept!  This is a post I wrote a few years ago that highlights the ‘why’ and ‘what’ of casual conversation.

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What’s your take on casual conversation in the workplace?  Do you encourage it?  Do you participate in it? Or, do you choose not to involve yourself in idle talk?

Indeed, some might think that spending time shooting the breeze with people about this and that, serves little purpose but to waste time.  I think that having conversations, even of the most casual kind with the people you work with is important.

Here’s Why:

As a leader, when you engage in conversation with colleagues and team members, you are giving yourself, and your organization, an opportunity to know them beyond what is written on their resumes

If you think it is not important to know people as long as they do the job, then you could be missing something.  After all, as a leader it is your job to know what you have to work with in terms of resources.  That goes for the human kind as well.  Having casual conversations with the people you lead allows you the opportunity to know more about their talents, experiences and skills and helps you to see not only their present capability but possibly their future potential too.

Casual conversations can serve as the glue that brings people together and builds strength in team or company relationships

If you discourage people on your team or in your department from engaging in casual conversations in the hope that they will spend more time doing their jobs, you could also be missing something.  Encouraging the development of relationships among people who work together on a daily basis can build strength and a sense of common purpose.  In my experience, people who know each other on a more personal level are more likely to want to support each other when it comes to getting the work done, especially when the going gets tough.

Leaders who engage in everyday conversations with those they lead invariably reveal something of themselves that takes them from the realm of “boss” to the more level place of “boss who is also human”

If you want people to participate with you in achieving collective goals and to make contributions that go beyond simply doing what they are told, you must put something of yourself into the mix. People will only share information about themselves with you easily, if you show that you are willing to meet them halfway and share something of yourself too.

Having said all that, I think it important to say too, that casual conversations can go from being constructive and helpful to divisive and destructive if you’re not careful. And, that’s when they get in the way of building healthy productive relationships and workplaces.

So, to avoid this, there are a few things to consider when it comes to engaging in casual conversations at work:

Keep your conversations friendly and professional

This means that, generally, people do not need, or even want, to know all of the intimate details of your life.  Seek balanced two-way conversations that give each participant the opportunity to take part. Over sharing (as in, Whoa…too much information!) could be embarrassing and the very thing that will have people avoiding you rather than seeking you out.

Know when the conversation is over and move on

Conversations that outlive their usefulness can, and do, get in the way of getting the work done.  Spending inordinate amounts of time leaning on doorframes or hanging over cubicle walls talking about whatever comes to mind is not the idea at all.  Keep your exchanges short yet friendly and I suspect that everyone will appreciate it.

Resist, at all costs, any temptation to participate in idle gossip or rumour mongering.

When we engage in rumour, innuendo and other negative lines of conversation, bad feeling and damaged relationships are bound to follow.  As leader, it is important to model constructive and helpful conversations and to be clear that negative talk is not condoned.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Feedback…Criticism or Opportunity?

Every once in a while, I like to get back to the basics.  The basics for me are always about people and how we relate to each other.  This post addresses giving and receiving feedback. I know, it is an old topic but I’ll stop talking about it when more of us get better at it. In the meantime, here it is…again.

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“Feedback is the breakfast of Champions” or so says Ken Blanchard.But I’m wondering how many of us truly have an appetite for it.   After all, it has a way of feeling like bad news much of the time.

Why is that I wonder?  Well, first of all a very common view of feedback is this.  Feedback equals Criticism.

When I looked up the word criticism, here are some synonyms that greeted me…reprehend, censure, reprobate, condemn, denounce. Okay then, I can’t wait to get me some of that!

Often too, the experiences we have around performance management time can bring on an allergic reaction to feedback because, despite good intention, it is often delivered badly and received equally badly…a breakfast of champions complete with sour milk.

Perhaps, then, the task for all of us is to shift the perspective of feedback from one that equals criticism to one that equals opportunity.

So, where is the opportunity in both providing and receiving feedback?

For the Recipient there is opportunity:

for personal growth

We only see ourselves from the inside out.  The value of having others observe us and give us information about what they see helps us ‘round out’ our impression of ourselves.

to make positive change

Information about ourselves gives us a chance to make changes that have some personal meaning.  The hardest part about making change is the commitment it takes to sustain new behaviour.   Knowing why a change is important helps us to remain on course and raises the potential for experiencing positive results from our efforts.

For the Provider there is opportunity:

To build relationships that include trust

Feedback becomes a gift when it is presented sincerely and without judgment.  As well, when it is given as part of a conversation rather than a laundry list of things to fix, it is more palatable for the recipient and allows for deeper understanding on both sides.

To convey belief in the recipient’s capabilities & potential contribution

Giving feedback allows us to paint a picture of what we believe another is truly capable of and to shape our expectations around those beliefs.  If we simply demand a certain level of performance without inviting input or considering what people might need to make it possible, we will likely be met with resentment rather than interest.

Okay, so this might address some of the why for shifting a negative perspective of feedback to a more positive one (and there are doubtless more reasons for doing so as well) but it doesn’t speak to the how.  So here are a few thoughts on that:

As Providers of feedback, if we take the opportunity perspective we must:

Be clear about what we’re looking for

This means that if we are going to observe someone going about their work and then provide meaningful and useful information to them, both parties have to be focusing on the same things.  Feedback, after all, is comprised not of a single conversation but a series of conversations that lead to change and growth.

Make conversation and observation a daily habit

Sitting down with someone once a year to talk about performance and outcomes does not encourage an opportunity based perspective on feedback.  Instead, it becomes something one dreads.  Having daily conversations with people and making daily observations about their activities facilitates good and useful exchanges of information.

Avoid the “poop sandwich” approach

Who is not familiar with this?  Its starts with something positive; ends with something positive and then sandwiches the negative  you-know-what in between.  I personally don’t like this approach because it feels contrived.  And, by the way, no one is fooled by it.

As Recipients of feedback, in taking the opportunity perspective we must:

Participate in the conversation

In my experience, people who say nothing during a session that includes personal feedback can have plenty to say when the session is over, and to people who can only commiserate.  While this might feel good at the time, it really isn’t very helpful.  Participating in the conversation means asking questions.  It sometimes means disagreeing and challenging.  But it also means there is opportunity to understand as well as to be understood.  That alone has great value.

Take the view that feedback is as often positive as it is negative

Whenever someone says, “May I give you some feedback?”  It is tempting to say “Uh-Oh.  What have I done now?”

To be open to receiving feedback I think we must also do our best to wipe out the negative “tapes” that play between our ears about it.  In short, an open mind helps.

The truth is, these discussions are rarely easy.  They take thought, and work, by both parties.  And, because we have this tendency to equate feedback discussions with personal shortcoming, we avoid having them; wait to the last minute to have them; or rush through them in a way that does more harm than good.  I think shifting our perspective  away from criticism and toward opportunity might help

What do you think?

Good Coaching…Not for Sissies

This is a refreshed version of a post I wrote a few years ago.  I’m presenting it again because I believe coaching  is a major part of a good leader’s life.  Done well, it can create amazing results, enthusiasm for work and optimal achievement.  Done badly, it can demotivate even the most confident of people and undermine the most honest of efforts too.  In other words: Coaching is a big deal….and it’s not for sissies.

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Coaching is one of those words that tends to lace everyday language at work. I wonder though, how many people who are supposed to be doing it, actually know what it means or what it takes to do it properly?

Well, I don’t really know the answer to that question but here’s what it means to me.

if I were to ask you to coach me, I’d be looking for:

• Genuine interest in knowing me

This doesn’t mean I expect you to be my best friend.  What it does mean is that you will make an effort to understand my values, capabilities, ambitions and development needs.  If you don’t take the time to know these things, you will be hard-pressed to know if you are getting my best performance

• The willingness to look past my excuses and challenge me to do my best

Sometimes, I won’t be able to see myself as you see me. Sometimes I will not want to stretch myself for fear that I might fail.  As my coach, you will challenge me to go beyond the unspoken boundaries I have set for myself.  You will not accept my excuses.  You will show your faith in my abilities and my potential to do more by demanding more.  And, should I fail, you will help me to extract the learning from it and move on.

• The courage to hold me accountable for the commitments I make

When a new idea captures my imagination, it is easy for me to envision bringing it into reality.   And yet, while I will understand the importance of it, there will be times when I need your help to stay the course.  Starting is usually easy.  Finishing is harder.  As my coach I will rely on you to remind me of the importance of completing what I set out to do.  And, if I shift my focus, you will help me ensure that my reasons are valid.

• The empathy to encourage me, support my efforts and celebrate with me when the time is right

There will be times when I question my own abilities; when I need guidance and resources to help me do my work and: when I need acknowledgement for the work I have already done.  As my coach, I will count on you to deliver these things at the times when they are most appropriate.  That will require you to talk with me regularly. Our talks do not have to be long but they must be truthful.  The success of our relationship will depend on it.

So, that’s what a good coach looks like to me.  But, what must a person have in his or her own “kit bag” of characteristics before s/he can hope to successfully fill the role of “good coach”?  Well, I expect there are many but the four that come quickly to my mind are these:

• Self Assurance – If you are to be successful in your coaching efforts, you will often have to suspend your own desire for acknowledgement and work in service of helping someone else shine.  This can be hard on the ego and as such, a healthy sense of self, both in terms of assurance and awareness, will be important.
• Self Discipline – As much as it is important for those you coach to follow through on their commitments, it is as, if not more, important for you, as coach to hold yourself accountable for the commitments you make to them.
• Courage – Coaching often requires difficult conversations.  Courage is a cornerstone of good coaching and of good leadership.  For a good coach or leader there is usually no place to hide.
• A sense of humour – Most good coaches know the value of humour, particularly the self-deprecating kind.  It is an essential tool at work and in life.

If this is all sounding just a tad onerous, you may be wondering what’s in it for you to be a good coach.  Where’s the payoff?  This is where I think it is:

• When those whom you coach, do well, you do well.
• When you coach others to do their best work, chances are, you’ll get optimal results for your organization.
• Good coaches are often recognized as having valuable leadership capability. And that opens doors for you.

The reality is, there is no magic formula that will transform us into good coaches.  Like most things, it takes work.  I happen to think it is very worthwhile work too.

What do you think?

P.S. In case you’re curious, here’s a clip about coaching that demonstrates how NOT to do it.  Ever been on the receiving end of some of this?

Leaders: Speak with Conviction…Listen with Intention

Every now and then, I like to write about communication.  There are a couple of reasons for that.  The first is that the language we use has a lot to do with how others regard us.  And, in leadership, how we are regarded has a lot to do with the decisions people make about following us…or not.

The second reason is that the ease at which things get done in any organization often comes down to our ability to send and receive clear messages.

Like leadership, communication is a complex subject so I’m not going to try and simplify it. Nor do I have a list of do’s and don’ts that will cure our respective communication ills.

I have just two thoughts to share today.

One is: If you want people to believe in you and in what you say, speaking clearly and with conviction is a good place to start.

Language has always been littered with jargon.  As English is the only language in which I have any facility, I’m going to say that English is probably one of the worst offenders.   Over the past several years though, we have become even sloppier about how we choose to express ourselves.  We punctuate our sentences with a series of ‘likes’ and ‘okays’ that muddy our messages.  And, we have developed an annoying habit of turning statements into questions.  This latter habit is particularly troublesome and serves to invite uncertainty where conviction ought to be.

Some people might think that speaking with conviction requires us to use a certain voice, maybe one that is stronger, or louder than our own.  However, I assert that conviction does not have to shout to be heard.  It just has to come from a sincere and real place.

The American poet and teacher, Taylor Mali addresses the importance of speaking clearly and with conviction here.  It is short, powerful and will make you smile.

My second thought is: If you want to learn something, discover something or build something, you must also listen with intention.

If speaking with conviction gets people’s attention and earns their confidence, Listening with intention will help us to keep it.  This is the kind of listening that demands our total presence.  Our intention must be to suspend judgment; to resist the temptation to interrupt; to fight our tendency to build arguments in our heads while someone is talking.  It requires us to explore; to question and to rephrase.  This kind of listening comes from a conscious decision to truly understand what is being said.  It does not require us to agree but it provides the opportunity for meaningful discussion that can lead to breakthrough thinking and effective collaboration.

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The truth is, when it comes to speaking clearly, with conviction and listening with intention, neither is easy.  For me, it is an ongoing challenge.  But then, things worth pursuing usually are, aren’t they?

What do you think?