Taming the Inner Mule

Every now and then I need reminding that I can be a stubborn, opinionated so-and-so .  This post helps me remember and  keep working on being less so.  Just in case you struggle with a similar challenge, there are some ideas here that might help you see the wisdom of working on it too.

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The other night I was reminded how stubborn I can be at times. Yep. Really.

I was watching the evening news with my husband and he asked me to change the channel so he could watch the national, rather than the provincial news.  I said, “This is the National News”.

He said, “No it isn’t. Lloyd Robertson is on the national news and I prefer listening to him over the other guy on channel three”

I said, “ Well, this is Lloyd Robertson’s program.

He said, “ No it isn’t but if you think so, you must be right”

Suffice it to say, after a few more seconds of an “It is so! It is not!” kind of exchange, I discovered I was wrong, but not before I had dug in my heels and clung to my view of things until it sounded somewhat reminiscent of this:

Of course our “discussion” was not quite as strident as the one portrayed, but the point is, I believed I was right and clung to that belief as if it were a baby cub and I, a mother lion.  Luckily, this kind of intractability does not happen in our house too often, but when it does, everything seems to shut down until we discover where the error in thinking lies. And, until a correction, and an apology, is made.

Stubbornness is an insidious thing.  It can creep up on you and before you know it there is an enormous barrier between you and another person, or you and a bunch of other persons.  In leadership, it is also a destructive thing that closes the door on creativity and serves to frustrate and exclude people whose potential contribution is often ignored or discounted.

Let’s face it; we all like to be right.  If it were possible, we would all like to be right all of the time…but it’s not.

So, what to do?   Well, a good place to start is by looking in the mirror.  All of us are stubborn at some time or another.  It’s not that rare.  But, here’s the thing.  If we are leaders of people we cannot afford to luxuriate in the illusion that we are always right.  Getting married to our own ideas to the exclusion of others is an appalling waste of everyone’s time and talent.  And really, failing to tame the inner mule comes with the high cost of lost opportunity and damaged relationships, which could be more than we are willing to pay.

So on those occasions when we notice ourselves digging in for a session of  “Yes, it is. No it’s not” Let’s do three things.  Stop…even if it is in mid-sentence.  Step Back…create some space in the dialogue long enough to take a breath. And Listen…focus on really understanding what is being said and pretend, for a moment that the other person actually might know what s/he is talking about.

By doing things as simple as that, our chances of discovering a plethora of useful and creative perspectives that will serve the collective purpose will be that much greater.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?  When was the last time you dug in your heels and started braying?

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** Please note the use of this video clip is meant only as a learning tool to compliment the text of this post and is in no way intent to infringe on copyright.

When the Grasshopper Teaches the Master

This post, from January 2010, is about the importance of being open to learning from those we might traditionally expect to teach.

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My son has been helping me learn more about Social Media.  He is the one who turned me on to the joys of blogging.  He helped me get started on Twitter too.   As a person with a degree in New Media, he is almost evangelical about the advantages and benefits of social networking. It is the way of the future, he says.  I believe him.  And, I know there is so much more that he can teach me.

Thinking about this more, and in the context of leading organizations, there is a lot to be said for learning from younger people. While we veterans can teach the invaluable lessons of the past, they can teach us the path to the future.  And that is worth paying attention to.

For instance, people of my generation often grapple with the wonders of technology with varying degrees of success.  Some of us are totally immersed and intrigued by what can be accomplished in a wireless world, (including all the cool toys that come along with it). Others of us are hard pressed to know how to turn on our computers, if indeed we even own one.   But, no matter where we are on the technology learning curve, the one thing we know for sure is that to learn it, we have to consult those who have the skill and it’s highly doubtful that we will find this expertise in people older than ourselves.

That’s why I like the idea of mentorships in organizations working both ways.

It should be pretty simple really.

Take young Person A, who knows about something and put him or her together with older Person B who doesn’t know much at all about that particular something. Then let the learning begin.

All right, so it’s not that simple

People of the older generation… well, we have our pride.  We like the idea of mentoring someone younger because it seems to us to flow with the accepted order of things…  you know, the Master and Grasshopper type of relationship.   However, when it is the Grasshopper doing the teaching, it can make us feel somehow redundant, even stupid and that’s not something one willingly puts a hand up for.

Alternately, people of a younger generation may not see the benefits of slowing down to help us older ones learn things that are, to them, elementary my dear Watson. They may also feel they are carrying a load for someone who might even make more money than they do and from whom they see no reciprocal reward.  There’s not much fun in that either.

So to begin with, I think that a successful Young master/Old Grasshopper relationship needs to begin with an attitude check on both sides.

And you spell that R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Of course along with that has to come a certain measure of empathy that allows the older to appreciate the skills and knowledge of the younger; and the younger to give credence to the lessons that only an older generation can teach.

With that established, I can think of a few practical steps that might help the Young Master/ Old Grasshopper set off on the road to building a mutually rewarding relationship.  Here they are:

Determine a skill base line

There is nothing more counterproductive, or annoying, than making assumptions about what a person knows or does not know.  Spending a little time determining current skill levels within the context of the subject matter is a good use of time.

Take time to set some goals

Technology, for instance, encompasses a huge body of knowledge.  To make some headway and avoid being overwhelmed, discuss what you want to be able to do and how it might benefit your work before you start tackling applications that may, or may not, move you in the right direction.  Goals will also give you benchmarks against which you can monitor progress.  There is something very satisfying about that for both parties in the relationship.

Establish good communication habits

For the most part this means speaking plainly; being truthful; and regularly checking for understanding.

Have Fun

Working with someone to learn something new and seeing that new thing being applied in real time is exciting!  Enjoy the journey and the person with whom you are taking it and my hunch is, you will both profit from the experience.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Building Awareness ~ Lessons from a Dancing Bear

It was James Thurber who said, “Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness”  This started me thinking about  how important awareness is in leadership and in life.  And, it reminded me of a post I wrote a couple of years ago about building awareness in organizations.  So, as a refresher, here it is  again.

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The other day I came across this little film clip that was, I gather, designed to draw our attention to the need for vigilance on the road.  It made me think about how easy it is to miss what’s going on, even when it’s right in front of us. Please watch the film.  It takes less than a minute. Honest.

How’d you do?  Did you get the number of passes right?  I did.  In fact, I felt quite   proud of myself until I realized what I had missed.  I was too busy concentrating on getting the numbers right to notice.  It happens.

This concentration on one thing to the exclusion of everything else happens to leaders too and yet I think we know that a leader’s job is never about just one thing.  It’s about a whole whack of things that go on around them all of the time and often at the same time.  Consequently, building awareness about themselves, their environment and those around them is a pretty big deal.  And, it’s a big deal that often makes the difference between success and failure.

The truth is, that while a few people may be particularly gifted with a keen sense of awareness, most of us need help.  Blind spots abound.  So what to do?

Well, whether you are working on improving your self, cultural or social awareness, it seems to me that just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a whole company to build awareness and to use what comes from it for the benefit of everyone involved.

Practically speaking, leaders who know the value of building awareness tend to do these four things to encourage and grow it in their organizations:

Invite: We are each provided with one pair of eyes, one pair of ears and one voice.  It only makes sense to invite more eyes, ears and voices to participate in achieving clarity of purpose and a common understanding of what’s important and why.  Multiple observations contribute to the formation of a shared picture and the awareness of the organization as a dynamic body, always changing and moving toward the accomplishment of shared goals.

Inquire:  Sometimes it is simply a matter of admitting when we don’t know something and asking others to help fill in the blanks.  This is particularly true when it comes to building self-awareness.  Enlightenment in these areas admittedly can be painful at times but also self-affirming. And, the truth is, the more we know about ourselves the better able we are to navigate the rough and the smooth without having to spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about ourselves.

Include: Often, it is tempting to gather around us only those who think like we do.  We like it because well, it just feels more comfortable.  But, building awareness in organizations is not about comfort or even being agreeable all the time.  It’s about getting a grip on what’s real and about creating depth of understanding that not only strengthens the organization but also the people it serves.

Intuit: Ah yes, the third eye…okay maybe not… but intuition often plays a part in building awareness.  It is sometimes not what is said but what is not said that seems the most obvious.  While operating from intuition alone can be a dangerous thing, there are times when those gut feelings serve a very useful purpose.  In fact, combined with inquiry and inclusion, it is a very powerful tool.

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The bottom line is this:  One person cannot see everything.  Building awareness in organizations must be a collective effort with participation from many and diverse people. Leaders who value the eyes, ears and voices of those around them will be unlikely to miss the moon walking bear too often.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?

Leadership and the Anatomy of a Good Apology

John Wayne, (or one of his many characters), once said, “ Never apologize, Mister. It’s a sign of weakness”

He may have been right in many things but in this, he was mistaken.  Apologies, the good kind, take a lot of courage and humility to pull off.   There is nothing weak about that.

But what constitutes a good apology? And, what can we expect when we make it?  Here’s what comes to mind for me.

A good apology starts with the right motivation ~ The most sincere reason for making an apology is simply to express deep regret and a desire to make a wrong, right again.  Anything else, like apologizing because doing so will make us feel better, is not much of an apology at all.

A good apology involves exposure and vulnerability …our own.  Apologizing well means that we have to lay aside all of our ‘built-in’ protective devices.  In other words, an apology accompanied by an excuse or a deflection of blame isn’t going to cut it.  To make it real, we have to reveal ourselves as the imperfect beings we are.  That’s the scary part.

A good apology includes willingness to make amends ~ We can’t unsay hurtful words or undo hurtful actions.  But if we show intent to listen and make an effort to repair the damage we’ve caused, the possibility of restoring trust is that much greater.

Of course offering an apology, even a good one, is only the beginning.

So what can we realistically expect from those to whom we apologize?  Well, here it is in one word.

Nothing.

We can expect nothing because those who hear our apology have the right to decide how they are going to respond to it. Chances are, if it is offered sincerely and with genuine intention to make amends, the work of reparation can begin.  But there are no guarantees.  Sometimes we simply have to learn to live with the knowledge that we have inflicted a hurt for which we are not forgiven…and accept the consequences that come out of that.

Having said that, I can think of two things we can expect from the process of rebuilding a broken trust

It will take a long time ~ There are no quick fixes here.  Rebuilding trust requires consistent proof through word and deed that re-establishing damaged relationships is a priority. It takes patience and consistent effort.  And, it is not for the offender to say when it’s over.

Those who offend are never in the position to choose the depth or breadth of their consequences. ~ For instance, during Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah Winfrey, he said, “I deserve to be punished.  I’m not sure I deserve the death penalty”

To me,  whatever his punishment, it is not up to Mr. Armstrong to decide its nature or severity. His apology is only a good one if he is willing to let go of control and accept whatever consequences come from his offence.  I think that’s true for the rest of us too.

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The Bottom Line

If you are a human being, at some point you will have said or done something for which you need to apologize.   If you are a leader of other human beings, this will be especially true because, like or not, you are a role model and as such, the magnifying glass is on you.  So, when you mess up, the apology needs to be a good one.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Leadership and Breaking the Rules

This post is a refreshed version of one I wrote in 2010.  While I’m not among those who believe rules are made to be broken, I do think some of us have a nasty habit of clinging to them long after they have passed their “sell by” date.  So here is my perspective on rules, along with a couple of things to think about before deciding to break them.

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I think we can agree that one of the key attributes for successful leaders today is the ability to adapt quickly to new situations.   We may also agree that in order for society to function in a reasonably harmonious way, there must be rules.

And there are all kinds of them.

In general, rules are put in place to ensure personal safety and to keep things in balance.  They are also imposed to provide structure in organizational settings that support the work and build a broad framework within which individuals are free to operate and contribute.

Some people are of the opinion that rules are made to be broken.  In fact, they are so convinced of this, they see no point in learning them in the first place.  The resulting behaviour from this laissez-faire approach is a kind of chaos that tends to serve no one in the end.  It lacks maturity and I hazard to say, increases, rather than diminishes, the need for more rules.

But sometimes rules really do only serve to get in the way.

In a world where improvisation is key to success, yesterday’s rules can be today’s impediment.  Old rules often slow the flow of progress, sometimes down to a trickle.  They stifle creativity and innovation.  And they create roadblocks to the implementation of needed change.  From this perspective, I think it safe to say that the work of leadership includes breaking rules.

But before we go off and begin declaring war on rules, I think we need a few, um, rules, to ensure that the breaking process provides as great an opportunity for a positive result as possible.

To start with, I can think of two rules that work for me:

First, before eliminating or dismissing existing rules, seek to understand why they were made in the first place.

It is pretty easy to make assumptions about why rules were made but before completely eliminating them, I think it wise to question their initial purpose.  If that purpose is no longer relevant, then throwing them out is probably a good thing.

And second, be prepared to accept the consequences that may come from circumventing or defying rules

There is always the chance that circumventing a rule can cause grief for someone else, somewhere else in the organization or outside it.  Breaking an established rule usually comes with a measure of risk.  As they often say in retail stores about handling merchandise, “ If you break it you own it”. Owning our choice to break rules in service of facilitating change is, I think, part of being a responsible leader

So, having said all of that, I have a confession to make.  I am an inveterate rule follower.  It was ingrained in me as a child to be good… to follow the rules.  And yet, in my growing, (ahem), maturity I really see the need to continually question rules that make no sense to me.  After all, most rules are conceived and administered by people. And most will come to a place where they are no longer useful or relevant to our lives or businesses.

If we are to encourage the innovators of our time we must also accept that rules should be subject to rigorous question and challenge. Settling for something because that’s the rule or that’s the way it is, is simply not good enough.   If we doubt it, we just have to reflect on the accomplishments of people like Nelson Mandela, Dr Emily Stowe, Rosa Parks and people like Richard Branson and Anita Roddick, each of whom defied convention, broke rules and challenged the status quo, sometimes at great personal cost.

Rules are meant to serve us, not the other way around. And so, if we are to adapt to new and changing circumstances quickly we must also have the courage to break a few rules along the way.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Communication: Four Occasions When It’s Best to Keep Quiet

Will Rogers once said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up”.

I think he has a point. Rarely though, do we consider that effective communication also means keeping quiet.   And yet, nothing can be more effective in reaching understanding than a well-placed pause, a time when we step back and listen, not only to others but also to ourselves.

It’s a discipline I think all leaders need to develop.  But first we have to be able to readily recognize when we are talking too much and listening too little and, as a result, eroding the depth and importance of our conversations.

So when might that happen to you? Well, I can think of a few occasions when it might and here they are:

When you’re angry ~(Subtext: I’m mad so I’m going to vent all over you so that I can feel better).

Anger sometimes compels us to put the mouth in gear before the brain has had time to process what’s going on. And that can make a bad situation worse.

Being on the receiving end of someone’s flare-up is also very off-putting and a sure-fire way of shutting down lines of communication altogether.

When you’re tempted to say any old thing to fill a void ~ (Subtext: I’m uncomfortable so I’m going to say something because somebody has to!)

Silence can be cringe-worthy.   For instance, in a meeting you put an idea up for discussion; you ask for some thoughts … and nothing happens. But, if you start talking just to relieve the tension, chances are, you are missing an opportunity to hear from someone who simply needs a little time to process the information before sharing his or her opinion.  So, tolerating pauses, pregnant or otherwise, could be a very positive discipline to develop.

When you’re convinced of your ‘rightness’ ~ (Subtext: I’m right and I’m going to keep on talking until you agree with me).

Sometimes we can fall in love with our own ideas so much that we make no space for the possibility that we may be wrong.  Clinging to a position and arguing its virtues can be great fun but if we are not willing to listen to others’ perspectives and soften the edges of our views in the face of new information, we become a roadblock to progress.

When you realize you don’t really know what you’re talking about ~ (Subtext: I’m lost but I’ll look like a fool if I stop talking now.)

Every once in a while I will embark on a line of conversation… and then lose the thread.  Instead of stopping to get re-focused, I will keep talking in the hope that eventually, I’ll get to the point.  I don’t think I’m particularly unique in this.  When it happens, it’s embarrassing but frankly so is taking people on a meander that you didn’t intend.  As for me, I find it helps to simply stop, mid-ramble, and admit that I have no idea where I was going.  We all have a laugh and get to move on to something more productive.

There is of course a common theme running through the occasions I’ve described.  Each of them is a self-indulgent response.  In communication, as in leadership, self-indulgence will get in the way of success every time.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Attention Leaders: Five Attitudes to Take to work in 2013

Attitude is a big deal.  The way we look at things and the beliefs we hold about them influence what we choose to do and how we choose to behave when we’re doing it.  That’s why I think it’s always a good idea, especially for those who lead, to conduct something of an attitude inventory from time to time.  And, what better time to do it than at the beginning of a New Year?

So, with that in mind, here are five attitudes that I think will be necessary for business leaders to take, in achieving success in 2013 and beyond:

Attitude # 1: Diversity is not a black and white subject   ~ There are a myriad of distinctions between human beings. Leaders who believe that diversity is limited to cultural, ethnic and gender differences must go deeper and wider to make optimal use of the richness in knowledge, thought and experience that exists in their organizations.

For example, organizations in 2013 include people from three generations, each with their own set of experiences and expectations.  Leaders who don’t seek to understand both the benefits this promises and the tension it creates, will be disadvantaged.  More importantly, if they fail to constructively accommodate these differences, they will also fail to create an environment in which people from each generation are willing to do their best work.

The Upshot:  If you look at building a diverse workforce as a nice to do initiative, you are missing the point…and the boat. Making optimal use of available talent brings optimal results and will keep you in the game. That makes valuing diversity a business imperative.

Attitude #2: Communication is only effective if it results in understanding ~ Communication is a huge topic in most organizations.  It, or lack of it, is often pinpointed as the culprit when things go wrong. And yet, so many cling to the idea that because they understand the message they are sending, it is reasonable to assume that those on the receiving end will understand it in the same way.

The Upshot: If you view communication as something that creates understanding, you may also see the wisdom in seeking out and engaging a wider range of communication tools.  And, there are a great many about thanks to the wonders of technology.   This attitude can help to reduce the confusion that comes from  unclear messages and increase potential for greater overall productivity.

Attitude #3: Learning and Training are not synonymous ~ Opportunities to learn are everywhere and yet some leaders continue to believe that if they have a wide array of training programs in their organizations and encourage, or even require, people to attend them, their job is done.  While it would be nice to think that, the truth is, learning doesn’t really happen in a classroom, on a webinar or from a book.  Learning happens when training is applied in real life circumstances. To create learning, you also have to create the culture and environment that welcomes it.

Lots of people who attend classes will come away with new ideas and yet have no place to apply them.  When this happens, the ideas, no matter how good, drift off into the ether.  Also, when people try something new and fail, the response to that failure becomes critical to the learning process.  Too many organizations make punishment the reward for honest mistakes.  When that happens, learning takes a back seat to survival.

The Upshot: If you want people to learn, grow and increase their value to your organization, create a whole learning environment that includes opportunity for application of new skill; a balanced attitude toward failure; genuine recognition of accomplishment and; a well constructed framework for individual accountability.

Attitude #4:  Collaboration is the watchword of the 21^st Century ~ In successful organizations, there’s no such thing as a one-man (or woman) band. There’s just far too much going on for a single person to manage successfully. And yet, there are still those who try to keep tight control over everything that goes on around them.

The Upshot:  Taking a collaborative perspective and putting it into practice is hard. It means making the work more important than you.  But, doing so most often reaps better results.  That is reason enough to take a collaborative attitude.

Attitude #5: Vision, values and purpose matter more than rules and policies ~ In every organization, there have to be boundaries.  For instance, legal and ethical boundaries are permanent fixtures in any reputable company and must be strongly enforced.  However, beyond that, encouraging people to contribute their best work relies on the strength of their understanding of, and belief in, your organizational purpose, vision of the future and the values you espouse.

The Upshot:  Leading from vision, values and purpose requires greater focus and discipline than enforcing a set of rules.  However, those who do it successfully create workplaces that attract talented, enthusiastic and committed people. In a world where competition for the best is fierce, that has to be a good thing.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Four Leadership Reminders from Nuisance the Cat

Her name is Nuisance.  She just turned up one day at our window, a little black cat with bowlegs and signs of the stress that spending too long outside alone can bring.

When I first caught sight of her through the window, I thought she must belong to someone but as the days went by and she spent even the rainy ones sleeping on the gravel under the eaves of our condo, I realized she was a lost little soul who needed some help.  Even the “found cat” note I posted went unanswered

So I began to feed her.

Some nodded knowingly when I admitted to doing that.  “You’re stuck with her now”, they suggested.

“She’ll keep coming back and then what will you do?”

To be honest, I didn’t really know.  My experience with cats had been limited to a time when I was eleven years old and that was, well okay, about a century ago.

But she kept coming back and I kept feeding her.

And then I began to feel responsible for her.  She was all right outside in the summer sun and warmth but winter was coming.  What then?

So, after several failed attempts to coax her inside, one day she simply jumped in the open window and claimed me as her guardian.

We have been quite happily learning about each other ever since.

So what has this got to do with leadership or people?  You may well ask.  It may be a bit too much of a stretch but perhaps there are some parallels worth exploring.  Let’s give it a try anyway.

When I think about it, Nuisance has reminded me that:

Engagement is a two-way street ~ We can talk all we like about employee engagement but my experience with Nuisance suggests that no manner of coaxing or demanding can make others respond well, if what you want is not what they want.  Also, had I grabbed for Nuisance and pulled her inside the window without her permission, I would have destroyed any trust she was beginning to place in me. And, I would have been left, if not broken, certainly bloodied from the experience.

Engagement, after all, is not about leaders turning themselves inside out to get peoples’ attention, blinding them with science or forcing them to pay attention.  It is more about leader and follower doing a dance of sorts, one that includes conversation, inquiry and patience.  And it’s about each taking responsibility for their part in the connection, taking some steps forward together to serve a mutually beneficial purpose.

Effective communication involves all of the senses ~ It’s taking a while for me to anticipate her wants and needs, but Nuisance and I are learning to read each other.  We don’t speak the same language of course but she is trying hard, through her actions, to let me know what works for her and what doesn’t.  I’m doing my best to convey my own wants and expectations.   It’s a mutual effort borne out of respect for each other.

In most workplaces, we have the advantage of speaking a common language.  That should make communication much easier.  In some ways though, common language is not necessarily an advantage.  It can make us lazy and less willing to go beyond what is being said to understand more deeply what is not being said and the real feeling or need that comes from that.

Consistency & Continuity are important ~ Nuisance is a typical cat. She likes to eat, sleep, prowl and play at a certain time in the day.  She does not like me to interfere with her regular routine.  It upsets her and makes her feel unsafe.   Many people are like this too.

Change in workplaces though, is an ongoing, relentless thing.  And, often, it is necessary. However, along with change must also come a large measure of consistency in  leadership.  That means, showing up and conveying a constant message about the future.  And it means providing the opportunity to take a little of what is already working into that future.   In short, consistency and continuity are two things that bring a measure of reassurance and allow people, (and cats) to be open to, and eventually embrace, change.

Love rules ~ Whether we are talking about animals or people, no matter how conscientious or skilled we are, our progress will always be impeded if we fail to care.  Love makes the work worth the effort.  And, it is a powerful motivator.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Leadership and the Magic of Remembering

This is a refreshed version of a post I wrote a few years ago.  It’s a simple story but I like to think its message bears repeating.

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I often make reference to the importance of listening and how this enhances communication.  A lot of other people talk about it too.  And that’s a good thing. But I’m wondering, after we make the effort to listen, how much of what we hear do we actually remember when we’d like to or need to?

I must say my memory for some things is awful.  A little research has enlightened me however to the possibility that it doesn’t have to be awful as long as I give it some regular exercise.  So why would I want to?

Here’s why.  There is magic in remembering.

Many years ago, when I was working as a Personnel Officer in the Head office of a very large organization, I was invited to attend a breakfast and listen to the President  & Chairman of the Board, talk about our goals and challenges. The organization employed at that time, something in the neighbourhood of 35,000 people worldwide and so you can imagine that the goals and challenges were significant.

Before we sat down to breakfast the Chairman took a turn about the room, which was hosting about 350 people.  Quite by accident, he happened upon me.  I introduced myself and we talked for a very brief time.  And then he moved on.

We had breakfast and then the Chairman got up to speak.  He was eloquent in his description of the organizational goals and realistic when he described the challenges we faced.

And then it happened.  He said something like, “I was talking to Gwyn earlier and she reminded me of the importance of people to our organization”

Suddenly, I was no longer a blurred face in the crowd or a very small cog in a very large wheel.  I was important.  I was heard.  And I was included.

Remembering details, like people’s names, may seem like a small thing when you have so many other things competing for your time and attention.  But simple acts of acknowledgement are very powerful.  They make us want to participate.  They make us want to do better and be better.   And that is, to me at least, the essence of employee engagement.

Of course, it’s not just about remembering.  It’s about paying attention and about caring.  Without that, remembering becomes memorizing.  And, when that happens it loses its magic.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

p.s. Here, just for fun, is a little Sarah McLachlan.

Putting the “Constructive” into Criticism

Winston Churchill once said; “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

I really think this is a good way to look at it regardless of whether you are the criticism giver or receiver.  But, there is criticism… and then there is criticism.

Most leaders like to preface the word ‘criticism’ with the word ‘constructive’.  That makes its aim one of building rather than tearing down.  However, not all carry out the ‘constructive’ part well, which usually means the ‘criticism’ part is prone to cause an already “unhealthy state of things” to deteriorate even further.

So how do we make sure the criticism we deliver is going to be worthwhile for those on the receiving end to hear and consider?

Well, I think before we proceed to offer criticism, we must first put ourselves under some scrutiny by addressing our intent. For instance:

Why do I feel the need to criticize? ~ Criticizing constructively must carry with it an equally constructive purpose.  If, for instance, my criticism of you comes out of anger, frustration or another negative emotion then I’m using it to vent not to make things better.  So, first I must determine how my criticism might serve you in some way.

What, or who, am I concerned about? ~Similarly, if my criticism of you will make me feel better, then I’m probably doing it for the wrong reason.   Caring about people you lead often includes pointing out things to them that they cannot see for themselves.  In other words the focus of criticism needs to be on enlightenment not on wielding power over another.

Am I prepared to listen? ~ When we offer criticism it is usually because we have a concern about someone’s behaviour, performance, or both.  We draw conclusions based on what we observe, what we experience, and what others tell us.  However, to make criticism useful to people on the receiving end, they have to know that we are willing to hear from them too.  Otherwise the information on which we base our judgment will be incomplete and in danger of being wrong, misconstrued, rationalized away or ignored.

Once we are satisfied that our criticism carries with it a constructive intent, I also think it important to remember this:

Criticizing another person’s behaviour or performance is not a ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ proposition ~ There are many ways to offer constructive criticism.  Some people recommend beginning with something positive; moving on to the negative; and then finishing with something else positive (popularly known as the crap sandwich). I’m not a big fan of that because, even with the best of intent, using a prescribed method of delivery can come across as contrived, even condescending.

For me, sincerity is the only thing that matters, even if the delivery is a little rough.

Abraham Lincoln said, “ He has a right to criticize who has a heart to help”

To me, that says it all.  What do you think?