Leading with Emotion

I “grew up” working in a very large organization which, for the most part, was notorious for its, um, conservative culture.  In my early experience, this meant that emotions, when expressed at work, were largely met with disapproval.  There were a couple of exceptions of course.  Anger was one.  And the other was fear.  Together these two sentiments, along with their not-so-distant cousins, irritation, exasperation, disgust, nervousness and envy formed a large part of my early working environment along with apathy, the place of neutrality where it was relatively safe but not very inspired.

I think we have learned a lot since those early days.  Thank goodness.  More and more we are encouraged to bring our whole selves to work with us.  More and more, leaders are seeing the benefits of doing the encouraging.

I’m wondering though to what extent business organizations are taking this concept of giving other emotions, like love, joy and surprise greater space and actively incorporating them into their everyday culture.  I know there are some. Zappos.com comes to mind for one. But, I ‘m thinking there are more that still squirm when considering the notion of bringing these perceived softer, and potentially messier, sides of humanity to work and giving them pride of place.

So, I tried to find somewhere where leading with emotion has worked a kind of magic that can, potentially be translated into any organization no matter the focus or the product.

I came up with Celine Dion.  Okay, I’m imagining some eyes rolling in an upward direction here.  Celine Dion is not everyone’s cup of tea.  She is often portrayed and perceived as overly dramatic, too effusive and excessively ostentatious. But hey, who better to study when considering the impact that overt emotion can have on organizations than someone who does it in a big way?

Ms Dion and her husband Rene Angelil operate their own company. M. Angelil is President and Manager of (wait for it) Feeling Productions. In 1999 they entered into a partnership with Cirque du Soleil to produce the Las Vegas Show, A New Day. At $300 million, it was reportedly the biggest contract ever negotiated in the history of the music business.  And they did it practically on a handshake.

Here is the beginning of the story of how A New Day came about.  Although it may be tempting, I urge you not to skip watching it because there are clues in here about the power leading with emotion can have on a company of diverse people with diverse interests. Pay particular attention to Celine as she meets the show’s dancers for the first time.  Listen to what the dancers are saying about her and the show. What emotions are at play?

Here is what I am learning from this:

I don’t have to be perfect to be inspiring

In fact I expect that the opposite might be true. Imperfections especially, if I am self-deprecating about them, have a way of making me more human and perhaps more forgivable.

I do have to acknowledge the value that others bring and…tell them…often.

What is more encouraging than having someone say something like, “You changed a bit of my life today”? To me, that’s pretty powerful.

One small gesture of appreciation can lead to very big things.

Celine’s back stage gesture to the cast of Cirque du Soleil triggered a set of events that otherwise might not have happened.  Genuine enthusiasm, admiration and pride for the work of others are powerful motivators.

As a leader, my positive emotions can be even more infectious than my negative ones.

I just have to call upon them more often by looking for what’s right first, not what’s wrong.

What stood out for you?  If there is one take away here that will help you engage and inspire others, what would it be?

 

Emotional Stupidity & Some Thoughts On What to Do About it

The other day, I witnessed myself having a particularly spectacular, um, brain fart. It tends to happen when I am attempting to work with anything electronic or mechanical for which I have virtually no aptitude, or patience.

I was rearranging a room.  This required moving all of the computer equipment to another location, unplugging everything and then plugging it back in again.  It sounds easy doesn’t it?   I expect that to a lot of people it is. But, somehow I got all mixed up among the various wires, plugs, power bars and extension cords and lost my Internet connection. Amid the mounting pressure, I fussed and fumed and completely lost my focus.  Why would the green light on the Airport Express Thingy not come on, I demanded, to no one in particular?

Eventually, I called the young man who had helped move the furniture and asked him for some thoughts.  He coached me over the phone.  Were all my connections properly attached to the modem?  Check. Were my extension cords viable? Check. And so it went, but to no avail.

Finally, he agreed to come over and take a look. He arrived with a new extension cord in hand, (just in case) looked at my Airport Express Thingy and, simply plugged it in.  The green light went on and the internet connection was instantly restored.

To his credit, the young man did not laugh at me, (well not in my presence anyway).  And I, feeling very sheepish indeed could only laugh at myself.  But it set me to thinking about the myriad of things that create pressure for leaders every day and how important it is to find ways to remain calm in the face of them.  Looking back, I expect that had I not allowed myself to get into a complete lather, I might have noticed that the Airport Express Thingy was unplugged.  But, I didn’t… so I didn’t.

If you are a new leader, you may wonder why it is so important to remain calm when you don’t feel calm.  Well, first, as illustrated in the story, allowing ourselves to get our shorts in a knot distorts our vision and keeps us from accomplishing what we set out to do. And second, people will be watching. Leadership involves role modeling. People will watch and will find permission to conduct themselves in ways that align with the leader’s behaviour.  So, if you allow yourself to get bent out of shape, it seems reasonable that others will allow themselves the same opportunity, accomplishing nothing.

So, the question is, how do we avoid this kind of emotional stupidity and stay calm when the pressures of the day start to pile up on us?  Well, in light of my recent experience I have had a chance to think about that a bit.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Stop and Take a Breath

If I had stopped and walked away for a while and focused on something else, I might very well have come back to the computer connection task with a mind clear enough and emotions settled enough to see what I was doing wrong.

Note the Triggers

If I were to be truthful, I know that whenever I get involved with anything that requires assembly, I’m going to experience stress.  It just seems to be a trigger for me.  So, perhaps the next time I engage in work of this kind, I will bear it in mind and be a little more patient, not only with the task but also with myself. Noting the triggers that set us off has a way of minimizing frustration and the irrational behaviour that often stems from it.

Maintain a Sense of Proportion

I don’t know about you but when I get stressed over something, that something has a way of getting blown up beyond all reasonable proportion.  Things that were a nuisance before somehow morph into something bordering on catastrophic.  I’m thinking that I could avoid this in future simply by reminding myself that there is a solution to just about every problem and if I can’t see it there is bound to be someone who can…which leads me to the next point.

Engage others in problem solving

Sometimes we just get too close to a problem to be able to see a way around, or through, it.  This is when building relationships with others who are willing to help and advise us becomes very handy.  Luckily, in my experience, people actually want to be a part of solutions.  Often, it is just a case of asking them.

So tell me, what sets you off?  How do you manage it?  What happens to you when you don’t?

 

Facing the Blank Wall

I’m having some trouble, blog-wise, this week.  On several occasions I  sat down to write my weekly post, only to have the proverbial blank screen look back at me… waiting for me to say something useful.  On one or two occasions, I made a hopeful start.  The first effort resulted in some ethereal rambling that I suspect would prove useful to no one in particular.  The second was, well, just silly.  So here I am again.  My blank wall and me.

It reminds me of Shirley Valentine.  Remember her?  She was the English housewife who had only the wall to talk to.  As I recall, her conversations with the wall were quite revealing.

Shirley talked while the wall listened. And then she experienced a breakthrough, a personal realization that change was required and she was just the person to make it.

So, I’m thinking that blank walls can be useful things really.  They can be clean slates waiting for us to stop struggling, to re-invent something or create something new and to get the juices flowing again.

I think that for this week anyway, I’m going to noodle around with that one and be okay with a post that may not inspire or inform but with a bit of luck may give cause for reflection, both yours and mine.

I think too, that this post would be enriched by your comments on times when you too, may have faced the blank wall.  What was it like for you? What did you do?  How did it turn out?  How do you think blank walls can serve us?  I’d like to know.  Really.

When Change Hits “Upside the Head”

Change.  It’s a topic that provides much fodder for discussion among leaders.  We anticipate it; study it; plan for it; and, if we are smart (or lucky), we make it happen or respond to it with strength, a sense of purpose and a clear head.  Sounds pretty simple.

But of course, it’s not.  Sometimes change hits us “upside the head” and cares not whether we have had time to think about it or prepare for it.  It simply happens, rudely and without ceremony, leaving us grappling to make some sense of it all.

Yes, there are ways to mitigate the impact of such brutal changes but for the most part, they have a way of sending us into a tailspin and causing even that which was once so familiar to seem somehow foreign and out of sync with how we understand the world.

The trauma brought about by such change happens every day to countless people, people without contingency plans, or any idea how they are going to cope with what has happened to them.  And yet we do, cope I mean, under many conditions and through many challenges.

Having recently experienced an “upside the head” change myself, I am given to thinking about aspects of change that I perhaps did not give so much consideration to in the past. Here are a few of those thoughts:

• Change is primarily an emotional and people-centred event

Here’s a story that, to me, illustrates that point.

In 2001, Jeffery W. Greenberg, Chairman of Marsh & McLennan Companies headquartered in New York, presided over a firm of 58,000 people worldwide.  1,127 of them worked in the World Trade Centre, some in Tower One and others in Tower Two.  Mr. Greenberg’s office was in Mid-town Manhattan.  From his window, he had a clear view of the towers and of the horror inflicted on those who went to work there on September 11^th.

At the end of the reckoning, 295 of the company’s employees had lost their lives.  In the midst of the pain and disarray that was to ensue in the days, weeks and months following the attack, something emerged that I think is significant.

While there were lessons to be learned about executing business disaster recovery plans and the positioning of Data Centres and telecommunications systems, Mr. Greenberg’s primary observations were less about that and more about the people, their courage, resilience and determination to pick up the pieces and move on.

This story suggests to me that successfully moving through horrendous change events relies more heavily on the preservation of emotional health than we might otherwise think.   The irony  is that Mr Greenberg does not enjoy a reputation associated with good leadership but perhaps at this particular time, he may have got it right.

• During times of drastic change, people are often given far less credit for having resilience than they deserve

It is tempting, I think, for leaders to assume that because a change is frightening, people will fall apart and be unable to participate in working toward a new normal without constant hand holding and caretaking. I believe though, that it is during such frightening times that we each have the potential to discover inner stores of strength and courage that might never have previously been tested.

While, firm structures are imperative during times of uncertainty, so is faith in peoples’ ability to adapt and contribute to bringing about a new order of things.

• “Upside the Head” kinds of Change bring out the best in most people.

It would be naïve of me to suggest that when disaster strikes, there won’t be some who will take advantage of it for personal gain, or fail to rise to the occasion, but for the most part, people are amazingly supportive of one another during times of trouble.  Even if, in ordinary circumstances, they spend time bickering, there is something galvanizing about life-changing, scary events that brings out the best in most of us.

I have lately been reminded of this and have, along with my husband, been the recipient of great kindness and active support from many good people.

For leaders, it is something to perhaps remember…and trust.

• Recovery requires us to dig deep and see the funny side of things.

It’s hard to even think of laughing when your world has been turned upside down.  After all, the experience of being caught in a chaotic and foreign situation is far from funny. But, in my experience, there is always something ironic or just downright comical about every situation.

My husband had a stroke, a very serious one.  It has scared us both, badly. But, for some reason, along with the crying (and there has been some of that), there has been a fair amount of laughter too.

I just think that, sometimes reverence can be overrated and looking at the lighter side of life, even if it seems a bit out of place, has a way of lifting the load for a time. It is even possible that through a recovery period when the going is hard, laughter is indeed a very potent medicine.

Do you have an “upside the head” story? Want to share it?  One of the things I learned is that I’m tougher than I thought I was.  What about you? What did you learn?

Know Thyself Part II – Smart Emotions

So! Emotional Intelligence!   If you are unfamiliar with it, I strongly advise that you explore it because Emotional Intelligence is a critical component of good leadership.

Very basically, The Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EI) allows you to identify, understand and manage your emotions and use them to create rich relationships in your organization and, of course, in other areas of your life too.

The notion of Emotional Intelligence began as far back as the 1930s but it stayed pretty much in the psychologists’ world until the mid 90′s when Daniel Goleman made it popular through his book, EI: Why it can matter more than IQ

After that, the idea of Emotional Intelligence moved from its fuzzy place in psycho-babble land into the mainstream where leaders and others everywhere found it to have some very real, valuable and practical application.

In a nutshell, EI helps us to examine and understand ourselves on four fronts:

• Self-awareness
• Self-Management
• Social Awareness
• Relationship Management

When leaders are self aware it means that they have a pretty good handle on how their emotions affect others; their strengths and limitations and; their ability to accept challenges with confidence.

Leaders who self-manage well are generally controlling their more disruptive emotions and impulses.  More specifically, when crises happen, people who have the ability to self-manage well, do not panic or put everyone else in a tizzy. And believe me, that is something to strive for!   Among other things, Self management is also about transparency.  That means that they are clear about their feelings and actions and ‘fess up when they mess up.

Leaders who are socially aware, demonstrate empathy for others; are usually good at picking up on things like atmospheres and body language and; appreciate and use diversity positively.

Finally, leaders who manage relationships well tend to be good at motivating and inspiring others.  They maintain a positive influence on the people around them and take a genuine and active interest in their development.  Good relationship managers are also good at leading people through change and managing conflict.  And they are collaborators and team builders extraordinaire. Whew!

Okay, so the number of leaders that excel in all these areas is rare indeed.  So don’t panic.  But, the EI Quotient gives us a benchmark for goal setting and improvement. And that can only be a good thing.

So how Emotionally Intelligent are you?  Check out this web-site and for a small fee, you can find out!

Here’s the link Have fun!  It doesn’t hurt a bit.