Every now and then I need reminding that I can be a stubborn, opinionated so-and-so . This post helps me remember and keep working on being less so. Just in case you struggle with a similar challenge, there are some ideas here that might help you see the wisdom of working on it too.
===============================================
The other night I was reminded how stubborn I can be at times. Yep. Really.
I was watching the evening news with my husband and he asked me to change the channel so he could watch the national, rather than the provincial news. I said, “This is the National News”.
He said, “No it isn’t. Lloyd Robertson is on the national news and I prefer listening to him over the other guy on channel three”
I said, “ Well, this is Lloyd Robertson’s program.
He said, “ No it isn’t but if you think so, you must be right”
Suffice it to say, after a few more seconds of an “It is so! It is not!” kind of exchange, I discovered I was wrong, but not before I had dug in my heels and clung to my view of things until it sounded somewhat reminiscent of this:
Of course our “discussion” was not quite as strident as the one portrayed, but the point is, I believed I was right and clung to that belief as if it were a baby cub and I, a mother lion. Luckily, this kind of intractability does not happen in our house too often, but when it does, everything seems to shut down until we discover where the error in thinking lies. And, until a correction, and an apology, is made.
Stubbornness is an insidious thing. It can creep up on you and before you know it there is an enormous barrier between you and another person, or you and a bunch of other persons. In leadership, it is also a destructive thing that closes the door on creativity and serves to frustrate and exclude people whose potential contribution is often ignored or discounted.
Let’s face it; we all like to be right. If it were possible, we would all like to be right all of the time…but it’s not.
So, what to do? Well, a good place to start is by looking in the mirror. All of us are stubborn at some time or another. It’s not that rare. But, here’s the thing. If we are leaders of people we cannot afford to luxuriate in the illusion that we are always right. Getting married to our own ideas to the exclusion of others is an appalling waste of everyone’s time and talent. And really, failing to tame the inner mule comes with the high cost of lost opportunity and damaged relationships, which could be more than we are willing to pay.
So on those occasions when we notice ourselves digging in for a session of “Yes, it is. No it’s not” Let’s do three things. Stop…even if it is in mid-sentence. Step Back…create some space in the dialogue long enough to take a breath. And Listen…focus on really understanding what is being said and pretend, for a moment that the other person actually might know what s/he is talking about.
By doing things as simple as that, our chances of discovering a plethora of useful and creative perspectives that will serve the collective purpose will be that much greater.
That’s what I think anyway. What do you think? When was the last time you dug in your heels and started braying?
===============================================
** Please note the use of this video clip is meant only as a learning tool to compliment the text of this post and is in no way intent to infringe on copyright.
When I first came to Vancouver to take up my new role as a Human Resources Consultant with a major bank, my boss and I agreed that I should go on a road trip and meet with as many corporate banking employees as possible. It was sort of an orientation thing for me and provided a chance for everyone else to give me the “once over”. Coming from Toronto, it seemed I was automatically not to be trusted.
Anyone who has ever been in a leadership role for longer than, oh, five minutes, knows that leadership is not a prescriptive thing. As simple as we try to make it with lists of the ten top things to do here or the best five things to do there, it remains rife with complexity.
Failure. I don’t like it. And, I defy anyone to put up a hand and volunteer if asked, “Okay, so who wants to fail today?”
Problems. Whether we choose to call them that or, (in the interests of putting a more positive spin on them), refer to them as ‘challenges’ they are part of life. In the workplace, where time is of the essence, there are many problems to be solved. And yet, much of that time can be wasted when people spend it working on the wrong problem. It happens.
I’ve been thinking about change lately, mostly about what it is that separates a person who seems to be able to influence change in a positive direction, from a person who might have the authority and the technical skill to do the work, but seems unable to pull it off.
Good leadership relies on our ability to live our lives with courage, strength of character and honesty. It is harder to do than talk about but without it, leaders can’t thrive for any length of time regardless of how skilled they may be otherwise.
Making the Shift to Leadership
Recently, in the 
