Facing the Blank Wall

I’m having some trouble, blog-wise, this week.  On several occasions I  sat down to write my weekly post, only to have the proverbial blank screen look back at me… waiting for me to say something useful.  On one or two occasions, I made a hopeful start.  The first effort resulted in some ethereal rambling that I suspect would prove useful to no one in particular.  The second was, well, just silly.  So here I am again.  My blank wall and me.

It reminds me of Shirley Valentine.  Remember her?  She was the English housewife who had only the wall to talk to.  As I recall, her conversations with the wall were quite revealing.

Shirley talked while the wall listened. And then she experienced a breakthrough, a personal realization that change was required and she was just the person to make it.

So, I’m thinking that blank walls can be useful things really.  They can be clean slates waiting for us to stop struggling, to re-invent something or create something new and to get the juices flowing again.

I think that for this week anyway, I’m going to noodle around with that one and be okay with a post that may not inspire or inform but with a bit of luck may give cause for reflection, both yours and mine.

I think too, that this post would be enriched by your comments on times when you too, may have faced the blank wall.  What was it like for you? What did you do?  How did it turn out?  How do you think blank walls can serve us?  I’d like to know.  Really.

The Language of Leadership in the 21st Century.

I’ve always loved language.  Admittedly, my facility in it is sadly limited to English, a few French words and phrases, body language (on a good day) and oh yes, a little pig Latin. But, what I love about language is its power to shape ideas, create images, evoke emotion and give birth to new habits and traditions.

In organizations, language also has the power to determine what matters.  For instance, the language of the 20^th Century stressed, among other things, the importance of control, competition, individual targets, winning, losing and results. And while many of these words allude to activities that continue to be important, there is other language creeping into the 21^st Century landscape that will affect our behaviour and change the way we go about things.

To some, this language is associated with the softer side of life.  In the past, It has often been derided and dismissed as being too ethereal or without merit in the workplace.  But, as this new century unfolds, language like this will re-shape what matters and reveal its harder edge as we put it into practice.

So, what specifically am I talking about?  Well, no doubt you will have heard and used the words. But because I often think it’s easy to use words without really understanding what they mean or how they might be used in any sort of practical way, I thought I’d have a go at bringing them into the light if only for the sake of provoking your own thoughts about their applicability in these highly challenging times.  Words, after all, have a way of being open to interpretation and I’m sure you will have yours.  But, for what it’s worth here are mine:

The first word is Empathy. To me, empathy in action looks like this.  You and I are sharing our viewpoints over a particular issue.  It is a difficult conversation.  What I’m hearing from you sounds foreign and unlikely and yet I want to make sense of what you are saying.  So I stop.  I let my ego and my belief that I am right go, and I step into your shoes.  I do that by asking questions and exploring the issue from your perspective.  I seek to see what you see.  In so doing I search for what you might be feeling and when I find it, I begin to understand what it’s like to be there.  In short, empathy is about understanding.   But just to be clear, it is not necessarily about agreeing.

Here are some other key words that come to mind:

Inclusion is about creating an environment where people feel they belong; are valued and respected.   Including people means asking their opinions frequently; trusting them to take the lead in situations where their strengths will better serve the purpose; acknowledging their contributions sincerely and often.

Self-awareness is about knowing our own strengths, weaknesses, behaviours and attitudes well enough to understand our impact on those around us and how effective, or perhaps ineffective, it is in certain situations.

Cultural awareness is about the values, beliefs and perceptions that are part of the organization and the people who work in it. Organizations with an enduring culture will be ones that align their activities and practices with their values and beliefs.  These values and beliefs are brought alive through action and thought; in their approach to the customer; in their hiring practices and in the kind of business they choose to conduct.

Diversity is about achieving a real appreciation for the heterogeneous nature of the world and it’s people.  To me, embracing diversity means appreciating, understanding, valuing and using our differences to enhance the work and create something greater than we might otherwise do by behaving divisively and out of ignorance or fear.

Openness is about being truthful and giving people the information and resources they need to do their jobs. It also reminds me of the critical need to be receptive to new ideas from a variety of sources and people. In the last century, information was often used as a power tool by a few against the many. Today, I think that power is at its most effective when it is collectively held and willingly shared.

Adaptability in this century will be key to not only successful organizations but ones that simply seek survival as well.  This is about learning to accept change as an every day occurrence as opposed to an event that must be planned and carefully managed.  It speaks to the necessity to be continually reading, questioning and challenging the current environment.  Today becomes yesterday in the blink of an eye.  I think that those who learn fast and change faster will do better in these times than those who don’t.

Collaboration speaks to the need to work together for a common purpose.  The 20^th Century organization was rife with silos and walls that provoked, or perhaps encouraged, internal competition and rivalries.  Now it’s time to build bridges between people and lines of business; to eschew hoarding behaviour and learn to share ideas and resources for a purpose that will be of service to everyone involved

These are just eight words that I think, when put into action, will define leadership, and organizational life, in the years to come.  There are, of course, others.  But, my point is that the more we use this language, and seek to understand its meaning and application, the better equipped we will be to meet the challenges that this century presents.

What do you think?  What words come to mind for you when you think about leadership today? What do they mean to you?  How will they affect the way we work?

Asking for Help

I have a confession to make.  I’m not very good at asking for help.  There are probably a lot of reasons for it, none of which are interesting enough to dissect here. There was a time, though, when I  thought it didn’t matter…that in fact, asking for help was a sign of weakness.  And, it meant obligation.  Besides, there was always that, um, rejection factor.  You know the one.

Lately though, I am learning that the weakness does not lie in the asking.  It lies in the not asking.

In leadership this is equally true.

In my observation, Leaders who know how to ask for help; use the help that is offered; and appreciate the value of it, show strength, both of purpose and character.

So, if you are like me and want to get better at it, where might we start?  Well, here’s what I’ve been telling myself lately:

Before asking for help, know what you need help with

In my experience there is never a shortage of people willing to help.  In fact, helping is, I think, something that comes quite naturally to most human beings. Having said that, people who are willing to help should not be mistaken for mind readers.  Some may be uber intuitive and able to discern what is needed without much discussion. But, most people will need some guidance and direction.  The less specific you are in explaining your needs, the greater the possibility they will not be met.

Note to self:  Be more planful.  Know what you want.  Learn to express it clearly.

When you know what you need help with, ask the right people

It is one thing to know what to ask for.  It is entirely another to know who to ask.  This requires you to understand and appreciate the skills and knowledge that others have to offer.  And it means spending time with people and coming to understand what they are good at.  When you know what they’re good at, you will generally know too, where their interests lie; what they like to do; and what they would be happy to help you with.

Note to self:  Ask your favourite computer geek to help you understand more about the Internet.  Do not ask him to help you fix your leaky faucet.  No doubt, he has one of his own at his house.

Accept what is offered with grace

Sometimes the help that is needed is advice, or another perspective on something you have been struggling with.  When what you really want is validation and what you need, and get, is something different, it’s tempting to rationalize it away.  The thing is, people who offer another perspective on a particular situation, even if it doesn’t fit with your view of the world, are giving you an opportunity to think and do something different to help yourself.  And that is an offering not to be discounted.

Note to self: Say “Thank you” not “Sorry I asked” no matter what someone might tell you.  A risk was taken to offer it.  Gratitude trumps disgruntlement.

So, what are your thoughts? What benefits have you experienced from simply asking for help?  What gets in your way?  What is the value to you of getting better at asking for help?

And just for fun, here are the Beatles, who ironically, don’t  look as if they need any help at all.  Enjoy.

My Next Beginning…A Reflection on Change

Every now and then I wax poetic.   Don’t worry. I don’t think it’s catching.  But, today is my birthday and so I’m in a self-indulgent mood.

I wrote this poem at a time when I was thinking about the process of change and how it affects me each time I go through it.  I also wrote it with a wish that someone  close to me might see some hope in it for himself.

I think we all experience change in much the same way.  Where we vary is how we are led, or lead ourselves, through it.

Anyway, here it is:

My Next Beginning

“We’ll be together until the end”

We said.

But the end came before the sun had set completely.

And I travelled alone

Through the greys and purples of the night

With only the light of the moon and stars

To guide me…

Sometimes bright enough

Sometimes hazed with the promise of rain

And then

It seemed, quite suddenly

There was new light…a new day

Bright and hopeful

Filled with possibility

I smiled as I reflected on all I had learned

And I turned to greet

My next beginning.

What do you think about when you contemplate change?  Is it a leader’s job to make change easier?  or worthwhile?  both? Something else?

Know Thyself Part II – Smart Emotions

So! Emotional Intelligence!   If you are unfamiliar with it, I strongly advise that you explore it because Emotional Intelligence is a critical component of good leadership.

Very basically, The Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EI) allows you to identify, understand and manage your emotions and use them to create rich relationships in your organization and, of course, in other areas of your life too.

The notion of Emotional Intelligence began as far back as the 1930s but it stayed pretty much in the psychologists’ world until the mid 90′s when Daniel Goleman made it popular through his book, EI: Why it can matter more than IQ

After that, the idea of Emotional Intelligence moved from its fuzzy place in psycho-babble land into the mainstream where leaders and others everywhere found it to have some very real, valuable and practical application.

In a nutshell, EI helps us to examine and understand ourselves on four fronts:

• Self-awareness
• Self-Management
• Social Awareness
• Relationship Management

When leaders are self aware it means that they have a pretty good handle on how their emotions affect others; their strengths and limitations and; their ability to accept challenges with confidence.

Leaders who self-manage well are generally controlling their more disruptive emotions and impulses.  More specifically, when crises happen, people who have the ability to self-manage well, do not panic or put everyone else in a tizzy. And believe me, that is something to strive for!   Among other things, Self management is also about transparency.  That means that they are clear about their feelings and actions and ‘fess up when they mess up.

Leaders who are socially aware, demonstrate empathy for others; are usually good at picking up on things like atmospheres and body language and; appreciate and use diversity positively.

Finally, leaders who manage relationships well tend to be good at motivating and inspiring others.  They maintain a positive influence on the people around them and take a genuine and active interest in their development.  Good relationship managers are also good at leading people through change and managing conflict.  And they are collaborators and team builders extraordinaire. Whew!

Okay, so the number of leaders that excel in all these areas is rare indeed.  So don’t panic.  But, the EI Quotient gives us a benchmark for goal setting and improvement. And that can only be a good thing.

So how Emotionally Intelligent are you?  Check out this web-site and for a small fee, you can find out!

Here’s the link Have fun!  It doesn’t hurt a bit.

Know Thyself – Part I

This week, I’m going to play with the notion of Self-knowledge as a critical component of good leadership.  Some might call this navel-gazing.  Some might be of the opinion that they know themselves well enough, having lived in their own skins for however long.  But to me, you can’t hope to be a good leader unless you are fully aware of your impact on the people and environment around you.

In other words, before even considering leadership style or the skills required to be a good leader, you need to first establish and confirm for yourself, who you are and what you have to offer as a human being.

So, how well do you know yourself?    When was the last time you really examined your thoughts, motives, and emotions to the extent that you know how you influence what goes on around you?

Questions, Questions, Questions…and the answers are not always staring us in the face but, there are numerous ways to get some insight into how we are… as others see us.  Some are more useful than others

To my mind, there are two pieces of work in particular that have proven invaluable in the area of self-assessment.  Click on the links to learn more about them.

Emotional Intelligence and the Myers Briggs Type Indicator

On Wednesday, we’ll explore the concept of Emotional Intelligence and I’ll point you in the direction of a pretty good self assessment web-site to check out.

In the meantime, I leave you today with the thought that receiving feedback about yourself, (no matter how potentially useful it might be), is only useful if you choose to believe it… and then do something with it.

With that in mind, here’s Something to read:  Turning Feedback into Change Joe Folkman, Ph.D.

Oh, and just for fun check out The Who.  They don’t seem to know themselves.