Leadership and Courage

Courage has many faces. It doesn’t always show up complete with epaulets and a shiny sword yelling “Charge!!” In fact, I would suggest it more often demands a much subtler approach. Either way, courage is not something we can buy or fake. It lives in the heart of our character. And, it is something we hope to have enough of when we need it most.

Brave leaders go first and inspire others to find their own courage. They defy convention. They admit their mistakes, apologize and make amends when they are wrong. Brave leaders explore unknown territory in service of something greater than themselves. They deliver bad news with clarity, determination and compassion. And, they stay the course when the going gets tough

Brave leaders, too, frequently look in their personal, and organizational mirrors to find something in themselves or in the systems they create that works against their potential for achieving their goals. This calls for a special kind of courage, one that can feel less noble than the others. But workplaces have little hope of thriving long if this work goes unattended or is swept under the rug in hopes that no one will notice.

Here’s a case in point. Some time ago, I met with a friend, a niche specialist in communication. She shared this story with me:

On being invited to meet with the CEO of a company to discuss business opportunities, she entered the premises and almost immediately detected a certain tension in the air. And, while people were impeccably polite to her, she noticed that throughout the office, no one was smiling.

The CEO, a clever and efficient woman, appeared to have all the hallmarks of a successful business leader. At some point in the conversation, she asked my friend if she did other communications work because she had noticed that the e-mails being passed among her staff and out to customers had a tone that seemed terse and unwelcoming. The CEO asked my friend if she could possibly fix that with some communications training.

Of course, my friend, a smart and intuitive woman herself, knew all too well where this conversation was headed. Could she ‘fix’ the tone of the emails being sent from this office? Yes, she could do that. The bigger question…why people were writing snarky emails went unanswered. It could be that this CEO had no idea why but, when pressed, she also was not willing to ‘go there’

This is not an unfamiliar story. In fact, I would hazard to say that more companies than we’d like to think spend inordinate amounts of time and money addressing unpleasant symptoms if only to be able to say they are doing something to improve their employee, and by association, customer experience.

We know of course that underneath it all lurk many cans of worms and a few Pandora’s Boxes that need opening before anything can be truly resolved. This is where that special kind of courage comes in. It is the kind that asks us to face our imperfect selves; to find our humility and to lay ourselves open to closer examination.

When I think about courage in leadership, this quote comes to mind,

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. “ ~ Ambrose Redmoon

Good leadership is about focusing on what’s really important among other things. Sometimes that means having the courage to relentlessly pursue truth, even at the cost of personal pride, in service of building something everyone can be proud of.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?

 

Note: This post was originally published in August, 2012

Trying Too Hard & 5 Ways to Get Over It

This post, from 2011, is full of things I know intellectually but must continue to work on in practice…sort of an easier-said-than-done post, at least for me.  If it is the same for you, it’s  probably worth repeating. So here it is

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I started this post a number of times, but was dissatisfied with it.   I was trying too hard.  I was trying to be clever.  I was trying to be deeply intellectual.   Guess what.  It didn’t work.

It’s not that I’m not capable of being clever or even deeply intellectual…on a good day.  But, I think today, I was just trying too hard to force myself to be those things.  It happens.

When I think about this notion of trying too hard in a leadership context, a number of things come to mind.  For instance, some leaders try too hard:

To be Popular

I think everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, likes to be liked.  But, trying too hard to be popular gets in the way of our ability to make tough decisions and to lead in a judicious way.  In my experience, people respect and respond well to those leaders who are fair much more than those who focus on being popular.

To be Perfect

Those who strive for perfection can also have a tendency to micro-manage everything to death to avoid making any mistakes.  Of course the trouble is that, in so doing, they manage to annoy most everyone who works with them, or for them.  While it is admirable to want to do things well, it is not possible to get everything right all of the time.  It’s just not.

To be All-Knowing & All-wise

Leadership does not come with all the answers.  It’s too bad, but there it is.  If we try too hard to create the impression that we are the font of all knowledge, we are bound to disappoint.

To be Strong

To some people, a leader should always be strong and impervious to the problems and worries that afflict other mortals.  While it is true that leadership asks us to bring our courage to work, it does not mean that we cannot share our concerns with others.  As individuals, trying too hard to be strong, places a great and unnecessary burden on us.  As leaders, it also excludes the possibility that others are willing and quite capable of helping.

So, how do we avoid the problem of trying too hard?  Well, here are some thoughts about that:

1.    Know and Accept ourselves, warts ‘n all

I think having a good handle on what we’re good at and what we’re not good at, is a place to start.  It doesn’t mean that we should stop learning, growing and improving…not at all.  But having a certain confidence about who and how we are, somehow gives us permission to take the focus off ourselves and onto others without having to try so hard.

2.    Embrace the Imperfect

I struggle with this one all the time but I keep working on it because when I strive for perfection, I invariably achieve only frustration.

3.    Look and Listen More… Talk Less

I think, when we try too hard, there is a tendency to talk far too much.  Whatever the reason for this, while we are doing it, we are undoubtedly missing the opportunity to observe and listen to others. Incorporating the thoughts and ideas of others takes the pressure off us to have the right answers all of the time.

4.    Dare to be Vulnerable

This is about allowing our humanness to come through and striving to place more value on the giving and receiving of empathy.  I think human beings are stronger when they allow each other a glimpse into what matters to them. Trying too hard to be strong and stand apart from the rest leads not to strength but to isolation

5.    Lighten Up

Sometimes you just have to laugh.  When we’re trying too hard, it’s entirely possible that we’re also being way too serious about it all. Laughing at ourselves can take the pressure and worry out of most situations.  So, wherever you go, take your sense of humour with you.  It will serve you well.

So, that’s what I think about trying too hard.  What do you think?

Managing Your Personal Impact…One Boss’s Story

This post was originally written in April 2010.  It is meant to illustrate the importance of self-awareness in leadership and the value of really listening to the feedback we receive, even when it contains information we’d rather not hear.

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Once upon a time, there was a Boss who was very sure of himself.  He was strong and competent.  He had built some admirable relationships with his peers and was well liked by his customers and the community at large.  But he was also puzzled.

He was puzzled because it seemed, to him anyway, that every time he walked into the same room as his employees, the place went from being lively with conversation to something that was subdued and controlled.  And, when he attended meetings with his team and a question came up, they all looked at him before even attempting to address it.  Similarly, when they talked about problems, the team members always looked his way before, or while, giving their opinions.

On the one hand the Boss kind of liked it.  It made him feel, well, in control and more than a little powerful.  But, on the other hand, he found it irritating and unproductive.  Surely these people were fully capable of drawing conclusions and deciding on courses of action without waiting for his blessing all the time.   Did he have to do everything? What was wrong with them?

Then one day, a Brave Soul approached him and said, “You know, you can be pretty intimidating sometimes”

The Boss looked at Brave Soul with eyes cold enough to freeze mercury.

He said, “What?  What do you mean?  All I did was walk into the room and sit down for heaven sakes!”

Slightly shaken but undaunted, Brave Soul went on.  “Well” she said, “It’s not just that you walked into the room but how you did it”

“Okay”, he said, “Now that really is ridiculous.  How could that possibly make me intimidating?  I’m interested in what people have to say.  I want some healthy discussion and debate about the issues we face.  I need them to be fully present when we are together so that we can work together and get things done.  Don’t they get that?”

Brave soul replied,  “I’m pretty sure that’s what they want too but the effect your body language and behaviour has on the team makes it difficult for them to participate”

Unconvinced but intrigued now, the Boss said, “Okay then, tell me more”

“Well, when you came into the room this morning, you didn’t acknowledge anyone.  You probably had a lot on your mind and so you were frowning too.  You walked straight to your chair at the head of the table and sat down without looking at anyone. You looked at your watch instead. You opened your book; peered over your glasses at the assembled group and said, ‘Okay, let’s get to it.  We have a lot to do and, I’ve got another meeting to go to after this’

“After that, I imagine it seemed to the team that the goal of the meeting changed from one that involved sharing ideas and making productive decisions to coming up with enough “right answers” to keep you from getting too impatient and ensuring that you got away in time to get to your next meeting”

“ But that’s not what I intended at all!” said the Boss. “I didn’t realize I could have such an effect on people. ”

Brave Soul smiled and said, “I don’t think any of us knows how we affect others unless we take some time to think about it and ask.  Sometimes how we are can get in the way of things, that’s all.  Just thought you should know.”

As Brave Soul walked away, the Boss began to make a mental note.  He had learned something today, about himself.  He didn’t like it but, if what Brave Soul had said were true, it would certainly explain the behaviour he saw and felt in others whenever he was within earshot of them.

So what could he do differently to become more aware of his impact on others without pretending to be someone other than himself?  Here’s what he came up with:

I will make an effort to become aware of the clues that people are sending me when we are in each other’s company.

It seems reasonable that if people can pick up and act on clues from my body language and behaviour, I can pick up clues about how I affect them by paying better attention when we are together

When in doubt about my impact on others, I will ask someone I trust to tell me the truth.

I get that I will not always be able to see myself as others see me.  So, I guess I will ask someone like Brave Soul to watch me from time to time and let me know how I’m doing.

I will be conscious of my moods and do my best to manage them in a way that does not negatively affect those around me.

I realize that when I am deep in thought, or worried about something it isn’t difficult to convey it, through my body language, to those around me. So, either I must explain myself or I must discipline myself to convey a more open posture.

Not bad for a start.  What would you add to the Boss’s list?

Building Awareness ~ Lessons from a Dancing Bear

It was James Thurber who said, “Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness”  This started me thinking about  how important awareness is in leadership and in life.  And, it reminded me of a post I wrote a couple of years ago about building awareness in organizations.  So, as a refresher, here it is  again.

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The other day I came across this little film clip that was, I gather, designed to draw our attention to the need for vigilance on the road.  It made me think about how easy it is to miss what’s going on, even when it’s right in front of us. Please watch the film.  It takes less than a minute. Honest.

How’d you do?  Did you get the number of passes right?  I did.  In fact, I felt quite   proud of myself until I realized what I had missed.  I was too busy concentrating on getting the numbers right to notice.  It happens.

This concentration on one thing to the exclusion of everything else happens to leaders too and yet I think we know that a leader’s job is never about just one thing.  It’s about a whole whack of things that go on around them all of the time and often at the same time.  Consequently, building awareness about themselves, their environment and those around them is a pretty big deal.  And, it’s a big deal that often makes the difference between success and failure.

The truth is, that while a few people may be particularly gifted with a keen sense of awareness, most of us need help.  Blind spots abound.  So what to do?

Well, whether you are working on improving your self, cultural or social awareness, it seems to me that just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a whole company to build awareness and to use what comes from it for the benefit of everyone involved.

Practically speaking, leaders who know the value of building awareness tend to do these four things to encourage and grow it in their organizations:

Invite: We are each provided with one pair of eyes, one pair of ears and one voice.  It only makes sense to invite more eyes, ears and voices to participate in achieving clarity of purpose and a common understanding of what’s important and why.  Multiple observations contribute to the formation of a shared picture and the awareness of the organization as a dynamic body, always changing and moving toward the accomplishment of shared goals.

Inquire:  Sometimes it is simply a matter of admitting when we don’t know something and asking others to help fill in the blanks.  This is particularly true when it comes to building self-awareness.  Enlightenment in these areas admittedly can be painful at times but also self-affirming. And, the truth is, the more we know about ourselves the better able we are to navigate the rough and the smooth without having to spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about ourselves.

Include: Often, it is tempting to gather around us only those who think like we do.  We like it because well, it just feels more comfortable.  But, building awareness in organizations is not about comfort or even being agreeable all the time.  It’s about getting a grip on what’s real and about creating depth of understanding that not only strengthens the organization but also the people it serves.

Intuit: Ah yes, the third eye…okay maybe not… but intuition often plays a part in building awareness.  It is sometimes not what is said but what is not said that seems the most obvious.  While operating from intuition alone can be a dangerous thing, there are times when those gut feelings serve a very useful purpose.  In fact, combined with inquiry and inclusion, it is a very powerful tool.

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The bottom line is this:  One person cannot see everything.  Building awareness in organizations must be a collective effort with participation from many and diverse people. Leaders who value the eyes, ears and voices of those around them will be unlikely to miss the moon walking bear too often.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?

Successful leadership ~ The Story of a Man

What does successful leadership really look like?  I rather think it has many faces but mostly, leadership is successful when the people you interact with every day find ways to tell  you it is.  The following is a story I wrote a couple of years  ago.  It profiles someone who might not have been touted as a “high profile” leader but nonetheless had a very positive impact on those who were lucky enough to know him and experience his influence.  To me, that’s what leadership is all about.

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The other evening I attended a retirement celebration for a former colleague.  It was a wonderful gathering, a room packed full of people who were there because they genuinely liked and respected the man who was about to embark on the next phase of his life.

In his business career, the man did not rise to the top of the executive ladder.  Nor, I would hazard to say, did he make lots of money or enjoy an opulent lifestyle.  He may not even be widely known to people much beyond his immediate sphere of influence.  But his impact has been felt. He is successful.  He is a leader.

Throughout the course of the evening, many people got up to speak.

His bosses praised his leadership in community activities; his ability to galvanize his local workforce; and his good humour and cheerful disposition.  Those bosses, who were younger than he, thanked him for his guidance and mentorship.

His colleagues spoke about lifelong friendship; told stories of the fun they had together and how they all managed to work hard in spite of their youthful exuberance.

His staff thanked him for his support and guidance.  While they were happy for him as he moved on to other things, they were sad too, as they told their own stories of meeting challenges together; overcoming obstacles; achieving goals; and yes, having fun all along the way.

His sons told stories of their life as they grew up.  The stories were witty and poignant and full of pride.  They were two young men who had grown up to be fine, funny and thoughtful, two young men who thanked their parents for giving them a good start in life.

When it was his turn, the man did not talk about his accomplishments at all.  Instead, he spoke with pride about the accomplishments of others, especially his children. He talked about the constant love and support he received from his wife. He talked about what he had learned over the course of his career and from whom.  He made many self-deprecating remarks.  And he said thank you…a lot.

Much has been written about the characteristics of successful leadership and while I certainly think there are core elements associated with it, there are other lessons in there somewhere. Like:

Successful Leadership is not formulaic.  It is open to interpretation and it requires the involvement of the whole self.

For instance, while we know that good communication is key to good leadership, how we communicate to get the desired result will vary depending on the leader. The man was successful because he did not pretend to be anyone else.  His communication style included fun, laughter and humility.  It worked for him simply because it is who he is.

And:

Successful Leadership is more about love than we would like to admit.

Okay, I can feel people cringing as they read this because injecting the word love into a business environment starts to feel a bit, um, ethereal.  But, there are all kinds of love…love of challenge; love of ideas; love of people; love of good honest work.  And, it is this love that carries successful leaders through thick and thin.

At this retirement party there was indeed love, and respect, for the man who for thirty-five years, took all of himself with him wherever he went.

So, imagine your own retirement party. What do you want people to say about you?  What kind of memories do you want to have? What do you want to give? What will it take for you to get what you want?

Think about it.  And, if you feel so inclined, I’d love to hear what you come up with.

Distraction…A Challenge to Good Leadership

Adlai Stevenson once said, “It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse”.

I’m not sure what he meant by that specifically, but I’m thinking it has something to do with allowing distraction to get in the way of getting things done.

Of course, staying focused (most of the time anyway) is easier said than done.  After all, distraction, or the potential for it, is everywhere, rendering the leader’s lot a tricky proposition.

But, there are a few things you can do if you want to avoid spending time on things that really don’t matter that much.  And, there are usually some habits lurking about too that you might well do without.

For example:

Too much “me”.  Not enough “ you”

Here’s a new flash.  You’re human.  You are as vulnerable as anyone else to bouts of self-doubt and self-consciousness.   When this happens, your focus is going to be on yourself more often than on those you are there to lead.  You need to find ways to deal with that if you want to get out of your own way and keep the distraction factor down to a dull roar.  Usually it involves spending some concentrated time on some “know thyself” activities, things that will allow you to see yourself from a variety of perspectives.

How you choose to do it is usually a personal matter.  Self-assessment can take many forms and involve other people…or not.  However, here are a couple of things you might consider:

Take some Tests:  There are many good psychometric tests available that will allow you to get connected and acknowledge yourself for who you are, warts ‘n all.  Here’s a website that might help.

Hire a Coach: Leaders choose to do this for a variety of reasons. Working with a coach to gain clarity about yourself and particularly how others see you, are among them.

Just Ask people:  This can be a formal process or an informal one but the point is, we only see ourselves from the inside out.  If you want to know how you affect the environment and the people around you, and you trust the opinions of those you ask, sometimes it will be enough.

Too Much Time on the Ground

It is hard to stay focused when you are up to your neck in minutia.  And yet, some leaders allow themselves to get embroiled with the smallest of details. When this happens, it is easy to lose sight of the larger goals and become bogged down with side issues that have little or nothing to do with very much of anything.

So, what to do? Well, here’s a thought or two:

As a leader, you choose good people, train them, and give them the resources they need to do their jobs.  If you have done this well, then you must trust yourself, and them, enough to let go and let them get on with it.  Over- involvement in the nitty-gritty of the work takes you away from what you are really supposed to be doing.  Your job is to find the right forest.  Allow other people to take care of the trees.

The Seduction of the latest management Fad

It is easy to become distracted by new management approaches that “everyone is doing”.   You know, the kinds of processes that, when implemented, are purported to simplify your life, increase your bottom line and make everyone a hero.  For instance, was there ever a time when you found yourself sitting in a “quality circle” ? I don’t mean to pick on quality circles per se, but these things have a way of taking on lives of their own and before you know it, your goals are going one way and the people who are meant to achieve them are bound up in processes that get lost in bureaucracy, and complicated administration.

Management processes will help you get things done.  However, it is important to put them in perspective, to use them as tools to reach your goals rather than have them use you for their own sake.  Just because something is new and everyone is doing it, doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for you.

Explore, challenge and experiment, by all means but always with the achievement of your goals in mind. And, by the way, if you are a leader who has not been given a choice about what processes to follow, perhaps the best thing to do is to find the bits you can use to get to where you are going and leave the rest.

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The bottom line is, it is difficult to lead well while distracted.  And, it is still possible to look funny on a horse even when you’re focused.  The difference lies in the amount of time you’re willing to spend worrying about it.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Leadership and Courage

Courage has many faces.  It doesn’t always show up complete with epaulets and a shiny sword yelling “Charge!!”  In fact, I would suggest it more often demands a much subtler approach.  Either way, courage is not something we can buy or fake.  It lives in the heart of our character.  And, it is something we hope to have enough of when we need it most.

Brave leaders go first and inspire others to find their own courage. They defy convention. They admit their mistakes, apologize and make amends when they are wrong.  Brave leaders explore unknown territory in service of something greater than themselves.  They deliver bad news with clarity, determination and compassion. And, they stay the course when the going gets tough

Brave leaders, too, frequently look in their personal, and organizational mirrors to find something in themselves or in the systems they create that works against their potential for achieving their goals. This calls for a special kind of courage, one that can feel less noble than the others.  But workplaces have little hope of thriving long if this work goes unattended or is swept under the rug in hopes that no one will notice.

Here’s a case in point. A few weeks ago, I met with a friend, a niche specialist in communication.   She shared this story with me.

On being invited to meet with the CEO of a company to discuss business opportunities, she entered the premises and almost immediately detected a certain tension in the air.  And, while people were impeccably polite to her, she noticed that throughout the office, no one was smiling.

The CEO, a clever and efficient woman, appeared to have all the hallmarks of a successful business leader.  At some point in the conversation, she asked my friend if she did other communications work because she had noticed that the e-mails being passed among her staff and out to customers had a tone that seemed terse and unwelcoming.  The CEO asked my friend if she could possibly fix that with some communications training.

Of course, my friend, a smart and intuitive woman herself, knew all too well where this conversation was headed.  Could she ‘fix’ the tone of the emails being sent from this office?  Yes, she could do that.   The bigger question…why people were writing snarky emails went unanswered.  It could be that this CEO had no idea why but, when pressed, she also was not willing to ‘go there’

This is not an unfamiliar story.  In fact, I would hazard to say that more companies than we’d like to think spend inordinate amounts of time and money addressing unpleasant symptoms if only to be able to say they are doing something to improve their employee, and by association, customer experience.

We know of course that underneath it all lurk many cans of worms and a few Pandora’s Boxes that need opening before anything can be truly resolved.  This is where that special kind of courage comes in.  It is the kind that asks us to face our imperfect selves; to find our humility and to lay ourselves open to closer examination.

When I think about courage in leadership, this quote comes to mind,

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ” ~ Ambrose Redmoon

Good leadership is about focusing on what’s really important among other things.  Sometimes that means having the courage to relentlessly pursue truth, even at the cost of personal pride, in service of building something everyone can be proud of.

That’s what I think anyway. What do you think?

Leadership & The Destructive Nature of Emotional Stupidity

Aristotle once said, “Anyone can get angry. That’s easy. But to get angry in the right way, for the right reason, at the right time and with the right person…that’s not so easy”

I was reminded of this the other day when on television, I, along with countless others witnessed this:

It appears that the man, a minor league hockey coach, deliberately trips two boys on the opposing team resulting in one of the boys sustaining an injury.

There are many theories about what happened here, including the coach’s claim that his foot ‘slipped’.   There is further film showing the man ‘flipping the bird’ toward a group of parents in the stands who were showing their outrage. To date, the incident is under police investigation.  The coach is disgraced and now likely suspended or unemployed.  He may also be charged with felony assault. And, it is possible that the minor hockey league has also sustained a blow to its own reputation.

This is a prime example of what can happen when we allow our emotions to run amok.

Some say this man was provoked, pushed beyond endurance.  None of us knows for sure. But, from a leadership perspective, there are some things I think we can reasonably conclude:

Role modeling cuts both ways

It was reported that boys on both teams were trading insults throughout the course of the game.  This coach was apparently a popular target. While it was no doubt highly frustrating for him, it was also entirely possible that his own behaviour gave the boys the unspoken permission they needed to respond in kind.

Lesson # 1 ~ If you want people to behave well and follow the principles of fair play, be clear about what those principles are; ensure there are consequences for failing to adhere to them; and above all, be meticulous about following them yourself.

Self-management is critical to successful leadership

No matter what the provocation, indulging in hissy fits in the presence of others is just wrong.  It serves no useful purpose except to ensure that your working environment will increase in toxicity each time you allow it to happen.

Lesson # 2 ~ Leadership is not about you. Get over yourself.

Respect is hard earned …and lost in the blink of an eye

This coach may well have many grievances to report about players and parents alike.  Some of his complaints might even be well founded.  But that’s not the point.  The point is, it was his job to provide leadership to those boys; a framework of acceptable behaviour that would help them grow to be good men.  He failed.  And, somewhere along the line, they gave him some very poor marks for it.  Whatever respect he may have earned as coach of his team, quickly dissolved in the time it took for him to lift his foot and upend two unsuspecting players.

Lesson #3 ~ Think before you act…or live to regret it.

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There is really no happy ending to this story except perhaps if this coach decides to change something about himself as result of the consequences he is bound to suffer for having behaved so badly.

Could it happen to any one of us?  We’d like to think not, of course.  But, before we get too judgmental or complacent let’s remember the last time we leaned on our car horns and said some colourful things to the person a couple of cars away who just cut us off.  We get angry.  It happens.  But being aware of our own triggers and managing them is important, not just for our own well-being but to ensure that we do not sabotage what we spend so much of our valuable time building.

That’s what I think anyway.  What do you think?

Emotional Stupidity & Some Thoughts On What to Do About it

The other day, I witnessed myself having a particularly spectacular, um, brain fart. It tends to happen when I am attempting to work with anything electronic or mechanical for which I have virtually no aptitude, or patience.

I was rearranging a room.  This required moving all of the computer equipment to another location, unplugging everything and then plugging it back in again.  It sounds easy doesn’t it?   I expect that to a lot of people it is. But, somehow I got all mixed up among the various wires, plugs, power bars and extension cords and lost my Internet connection. Amid the mounting pressure, I fussed and fumed and completely lost my focus.  Why would the green light on the Airport Express Thingy not come on, I demanded, to no one in particular?

Eventually, I called the young man who had helped move the furniture and asked him for some thoughts.  He coached me over the phone.  Were all my connections properly attached to the modem?  Check. Were my extension cords viable? Check. And so it went, but to no avail.

Finally, he agreed to come over and take a look. He arrived with a new extension cord in hand, (just in case) looked at my Airport Express Thingy and, simply plugged it in.  The green light went on and the internet connection was instantly restored.

To his credit, the young man did not laugh at me, (well not in my presence anyway).  And I, feeling very sheepish indeed could only laugh at myself.  But it set me to thinking about the myriad of things that create pressure for leaders every day and how important it is to find ways to remain calm in the face of them.  Looking back, I expect that had I not allowed myself to get into a complete lather, I might have noticed that the Airport Express Thingy was unplugged.  But, I didn’t… so I didn’t.

If you are a new leader, you may wonder why it is so important to remain calm when you don’t feel calm.  Well, first, as illustrated in the story, allowing ourselves to get our shorts in a knot distorts our vision and keeps us from accomplishing what we set out to do. And second, people will be watching. Leadership involves role modeling. People will watch and will find permission to conduct themselves in ways that align with the leader’s behaviour.  So, if you allow yourself to get bent out of shape, it seems reasonable that others will allow themselves the same opportunity, accomplishing nothing.

So, the question is, how do we avoid this kind of emotional stupidity and stay calm when the pressures of the day start to pile up on us?  Well, in light of my recent experience I have had a chance to think about that a bit.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Stop and Take a Breath

If I had stopped and walked away for a while and focused on something else, I might very well have come back to the computer connection task with a mind clear enough and emotions settled enough to see what I was doing wrong.

Note the Triggers

If I were to be truthful, I know that whenever I get involved with anything that requires assembly, I’m going to experience stress.  It just seems to be a trigger for me.  So, perhaps the next time I engage in work of this kind, I will bear it in mind and be a little more patient, not only with the task but also with myself. Noting the triggers that set us off has a way of minimizing frustration and the irrational behaviour that often stems from it.

Maintain a Sense of Proportion

I don’t know about you but when I get stressed over something, that something has a way of getting blown up beyond all reasonable proportion.  Things that were a nuisance before somehow morph into something bordering on catastrophic.  I’m thinking that I could avoid this in future simply by reminding myself that there is a solution to just about every problem and if I can’t see it there is bound to be someone who can…which leads me to the next point.

Engage others in problem solving

Sometimes we just get too close to a problem to be able to see a way around, or through, it.  This is when building relationships with others who are willing to help and advise us becomes very handy.  Luckily, in my experience, people actually want to be a part of solutions.  Often, it is just a case of asking them.

So tell me, what sets you off?  How do you manage it?  What happens to you when you don’t?

 

Building Awareness ~ Lessons from the Moon walking Bear

The other day I came across this little film clip that was, I gather, designed to draw our attention to the need for vigilance on the road.  It made me think about how easy it is to miss what’s going on, even when it’s right in front of us. Please watch the film.  It takes less than a minute. Honest.

How’d you do?  Did you get the number of passes right?  I did.  In fact, I felt quite   proud of myself until I realized what I had missed.  I was too busy concentrating on getting the numbers right to notice.  It happens.

This concentration on one thing to the exclusion of everything else happens to leaders too and yet I think we know that a leader’s job is never about just one thing.  It’s about a whole whack of things that go on around them all of the time and often at the same time.  Consequently, building awareness about themselves, their environment and those around them is a pretty big deal.  And, it’s a big deal that often makes the difference between success and failure.

The truth is, that while a few people may be particularly gifted with a keen sense of awareness, most of us need help.  Blind spots abound.  So what to do?

Well, whether you are working on improving your self, cultural or social awareness, it seems to me that just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a whole company to build awareness and to use what comes from it for the benefit of everyone involved.

Practically speaking, leaders who know the value of building awareness tend to do these four things to encourage and grow it in their organizations:

Invite: We are each provided with one pair of eyes, one pair of ears and one voice.  It only makes sense to invite more eyes, ears and voices to participate in achieving clarity of purpose and a common understanding of what’s important and why.  Multiple observations contribute to the formation of a shared picture and the awareness of the organization as a dynamic body, always changing and moving toward the accomplishment of shared goals.

Inquire:  Sometimes it is simply a matter of admitting when we don’t know something and asking others to help fill in the blanks.  This is particularly true when it comes to building self-awareness.  Enlightenment in these areas admittedly can be painful at times but also self-affirming. And, the truth is, the more we know about ourselves the better able we are to navigate the rough and the smooth without having to spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about ourselves.

Include: Often, it is tempting to gather around us only those who think like we do.  We like it because well, it just feels more comfortable.  But, building awareness in organizations is not about comfort or even being agreeable all the time.  It’s about getting a grip on what’s real and about creating depth of understanding that not only strengthens the organization but also the people it serves.

Intuit: Ah yes, the third eye…okay maybe not… but intuition often plays a part in building awareness.  It is sometimes not what is said but what is not said that seems the most obvious.  While operating from intuition alone can be a dangerous thing, there are times when those gut feelings serve a very useful purpose.  In fact, combined with inquiry and inclusion, it is a very powerful tool.

The bottom line is this:  One person cannot see everything.  Building awareness in organizations must be a collective effort with participation from many and diverse people. Leaders who value the eyes, ears and voices of those around them will be unlikely to miss the moon walking bear too often.

What do you think?