The Practical Gift of Humility

It’s that time of year again when we turn our thoughts to gift-giving.   This post, from 2010, reflects on the more intangible, but often priceless gifts,  we can give to each other.  In particular it focuses on what I think humility looks like when it is in action. And, by the way, this post was inspired by one written by Mary Jo Asmus. Be sure to visit her blog before you finish here. It’s a gift in itself to anyone who aspires to lead well.

=======================================

Some time ago, Mary Jo Asmus published a blog post entitled Giving Away Your Gifts.  It served as a reminder, to me at least, that non-tangible assets, when shared, are indeed gifts to those who receive them.

Mary Jo outlined a number of important gifts that leaders can give and then she asked us to think about other qualities that leaders might bring and apply at work.

I offered the gift of humility.

Mary Jo said it was a great gift but asked, “How would you give humility to others?”

Well, that started me thinking.  How indeed?  After all, humility is one of those things that is constantly in competition with the ego.  And, it’s not a quality that comes naturally or easily to human beings either.  In fact, we can’t actually give humility to another person.  Even the idea sounds a bit, well, arrogant doesn’t it?

I suppose I could go off on some esoteric journey about the righteousness of humility (a journey on which I would no doubt find myself alone), but right now, I’m more interested in looking at some of its more practical aspects.

Here are some that come to mind.  Leaders give the gift of humility every time they:

• Praise others and give credit for work well done, without expectation of sharing in the tangible recognition that may come from it.

• Give the challenge of new and exciting assignments to those who they feel will get the best result and grow from the experience, even if doing the work themselves would have earned them major bragging rights.

• Step behind the rest of their team when accolades are being given for great results.

• Look in the mirror first, when things go wrong.

• Make the work and the collective effort of the team more important than their own status or image.

• Express more pride in their teams, the work and their values than in themselves.

Okay, all this sounds tough.  And it is.  It may appear Paradoxical, but I think that to be able to carry off true leadership with humility, we need a healthy sense of self-esteem, because then we can more easily find contentment and pride in allowing others to shine brighter, or more often, than we do.   It is that, that makes it a gift.

Many of you will have heard of Jim Collins. He advocates the combination of humility and will as being present in the most accomplished and effective leaders.

He refers to it as “The Five”, meaning level five leadership and explains it here:

Do we have to be captains of industry to give the gift of humility?  The simple answer is no.  Does it mean that we have to turn into someone like Charles Dickens’ Uriah Heep to be humble? Certainly not.

But, it does take practice and sincerity. I’m still working on it. You?

The Practical Gift of Humility

A few weeks ago Mary Jo Asmus published a blog post entitled Giving Away Your Gifts.  It served as a reminder, to me at least, that non-tangible assets, when shared, are indeed gifts to those who receive them.

Mary Jo outlined a number of important gifts that leaders can give and then she asked us to think about other qualities that leaders might bring and apply at work.

I offered the gift of humility.

Mary Jo said it was a great gift but asked, “How would you give humility to others?”

Well, that started me thinking.  How indeed?  After all, humility is one of those things that is constantly in competition with the ego.  And, it’s not a quality that comes naturally or easily to human beings either.  In fact, we can’t actually give humility to another person.  Even the idea sounds a bit, well, arrogant doesn’t it?

I suppose I could go off on some esoteric journey about the righteousness of humility (a journey on which I would no doubt find myself alone), but right now, I’m more interested in looking at some of its more practical aspects.

Here are some that come to mind.  Leaders give the gift of humility every time they:

• Praise others and give credit for work well done, without expectation of sharing in the tangible recognition that may come from it.

• Give the challenge of new and exciting assignments to those who they feel will get the best result and grow from the experience, even if doing the work themselves would have earned them major bragging rights.

• Step behind the rest of their team when accolades are being given for great results.

• Look in the mirror first, when things go wrong.

• Make the work and the collective effort of the team more important than their own status or image.

• Express more pride in their teams, the work and their values than in themselves.

Okay, all this sounds tough.  And it is.  It may appear Paradoxical, but I think that to be able to carry off true leadership with humility, we need a healthy sense of self-esteem, because then we can more easily find contentment and pride in allowing others to shine brighter, or more often, than we do.   It is that, that makes it a gift.

Many of you will have heard of Jim Collins. He advocates the combination of humility and will as being present in the most accomplished and effective leaders.

He refers to it as “The Five”, meaning level five leadership and explains it here:

Do we have to be captains of industry to give the gift of humility?  The simple answer is no.  Does it mean that we have to turn into someone like Charles Dickens’ Uriah Heep to be humble? Certainly not.

But, it does take practice and sincerity. I’m still working on it. You?

The Story of a Great Leader

If you were to ask me to describe someone who demonstrated greatness in leadership, I might be tempted to paint the picture of a larger- than- life super hero, perhaps a president, a king, or a captain of industry.

I might not come up with Roberta Guaspari.

No, Roberta would not be the first person that would come to mind when I thought about greatness in leadership.  But nevertheless, Roberta is indeed a great leader.

Roberta Guaspari teaches children to play the violin.  When she first started, she was a single parent to two young boys.  To earn her living she arranged to provide violin lessons in school to the children of East Harlem.  What she had going for her was the love of music; the ability to play and the strong desire to make a difference to children whose opportunities were limited by their circumstances.

She has a passionate vision that is clear to everyone who comes across her or her story.   Her vision is “for kids to have music in their lives”

She believes that her vision is important because music, “empowers these children with the ability to make something beautiful that allows them to believe in themselves and know they’re special” This is her primary purpose, to help children love music, play music and believe in themselves.

Roberta’s primary purpose is not about money or attention for herself.  It is about something bigger than that, much bigger.  She is a great leader because not only can she see a better future for the children she teaches, she helps them get there, even against great odds.

In 1991, Roberta’s music program was cut from the school board budget.   That meant that not only was she out of a job but the children (and their parents), who so depended on her, would lose something that had become vital to their development and future.

Roberta did not back down.

Instead, she kept her focus.  She forged relationships with people who had the power to help.  And they did.  She plucked up her courage and made much larger strides that I suspect even she thought herself capable of. Throughout it all, it seems that she never lost sight of her primary purpose.

Empathy, Vision, Focus, Determination, Courage, …and a violin, This is what makes Roberta Guaspari a great leader.

The violin, notwithstanding, I assert that these qualities are common among great leaders of all descriptions.

• They have clear, well-articulated visions of the future

• They lead with great will, humility and focus

• They build strong relationships with a variety of people

• They strive to achieve things that are greater than themselves and for the greater good

Of course you  may know that a movie about Roberta’s life and accomplishments was made, starring Meryl Streep.  If you have seen the movie, what do you think?  What have I missed?

What does greatness look like to you?  What do you want for those you lead?

The Essential Tool Kit of Good Leadership

I think it is safe to say that leadership is a journey, and like most expeditions, there are a few essential things that have to come along with us if we are going to make it a worthwhile experience.

Here are four  that come to mind for me:

1.     A sense of Humour: Leadership is a very serious subject and good leadership is an essential part of any successful enterprise.  But to me, the load is so much lighter when we take ourselves less seriously than the work.  So, lighten up.  Know that you will make mistakes (some people like to call these learning opportunities…uh huh).  If you don’t already know how, learn to laugh at yourself before everyone else beats you to it.  Believe me, it’s very therapeutic and, if I were to be completely honest, it’s a great defense mechanism too!

2.     Curiosity Remember when you were a kid and asked questions like bullets coming out of a gun?  You wanted to know why the sky was blue; how come fish could breathe in the ocean; and why the lady next door always wore that silly hat with the big red feather.    We learned over time to be more discerning in our questioning practices so as not to be annoying or embarrass anyone. And we learned to mind our own business because it was polite.  Sadly, for many of us, along with all of that went a great deal of this natural drive to learn and know about things and people.  But curiosity is an invaluable exploration tool for leaders in business, or any other area of life.  Why are things the way they are?  What can be changed to make them better?  What would life be like if we did Y instead of X?  Curiosity opens up the imagination and allows for progress to be made in an interesting and fruitful way.

3.     Belief in yourself If you are a new leader, the prospect of being responsible for the outcomes and development of others can be pretty daunting.  But, know this.  You were chosen to lead for a reason.  Believe that you are in the place that you are supposed to be.  Trust your instincts.  And then do what you have to do to prove yourself right.  That’s sometimes called “fake it ’til you make it”

4.     Humility, Will, Integrity and Courage I’ve bunched these together because to me, they are the cornerstones of good, even great, leadership.  You can’t leave home without them folks. And to have one or two but not the others makes for an inconsistent and possibly unstable environment

Humility is about acknowledging, through actions, that being of service to something, someone, or a group of someones in the accomplishment of things greater than ourselves is more important than serving our individual wants and needs.  This is often hard to do but those who accomplish it and couple it with a strong Will to get the job done (whatever it might be) are the kinds of leaders that make great things happen.  Jim Collins, who wrote Good to Great- Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don’t calls this kind of leadership Level 5 and while his book is aimed at executive leaders, there are lessons there for all of us.

Courage and integrity work hand in glove as well.  In my observation, one of the biggest issues in workplaces today is trust, or the lack thereof.  Leaders with courage and integrity will recognize not only the power their positions provide but also the burden of responsibility that goes along with it.  These leaders do what they say they are going to do.  They operate from a set of principles that are transparent to everyone.  And when change raises its sometimes ugly head, they are not afraid to go first; test the water and encourage and inspire others to follow.  Leading from a place of courage and integrity engenders trust and solid followership regardless of whether you lead a multi-national corporation or a small group within an organization.

There are of course many other values on which leaders draw to be effective and to achieve the results they need to create success.  Those I have described represent the basics.  So, if you want to delve further into the realm of personal values, here are a couple of suggestions:

Something to Read: Here’s a link to an excerpt from a book entitled: The Seven Heavenly Virtues of Leadership by Margaret Thorsborne.  The article addresses the value of integrity to our lives in general and leadership in particular.

Something to try: How about spending a little time focusing on your own values?  There is no limit to the number.  The only rule is that they have to be true for you, not what you think others expect of you.

So here’s a couple of questions to help get you started:

1. What has to be present in my life for me to feel strong and content?

2. What makes me really angry? (I mean really angry)

Answer the questions as honestly as possible and then write down the values that come to mind.  For instance if you feel really alive and vital when you are tackling a complex problem then perhaps challenge and/or learning are important values for you.

Whatever you do, have fun with it and Let me know how it worked for you!